The Life of Pi

The Safe Falling class I teach at the rec center is quickly coming to an end.  It is a very popular class.  Not only was the class filled within a short time with a waiting list, but the attendance also holds up unusually well till the end for a free senior class.  Needless to say, the program management is more than pleased.

Senior Aikido student S was curious about the class.  I invited him to come to help monitor the particpants.  Maybe he can learn the moves and start another class somewhere.

After observing a session, S commented, "You are a totally different person than when you are teaching Aikido.  You are not scary at all in the Safe Falling class!  You are so friendly and fun.  The seniors all love you!"

Sigh.  What can I say?  I know.  To him, I am a scary person.

Several years ago, I offered a free community self defense class.  After attending the class, S, who was a boxer in his younger days, muttered to me, "I did not know you can do all these things!  You can do a lot of damage if you want to.  I am afraid of you now." 

"Afraid of me NOW?"  I turned to him, "I have not changed.  I have never hurt you or anybody else.  I do not hit students.  I don't even inflict pain on people when I perform locks.  What do you have to be afraid of?"

S gingerly nodded his head, "But, now I am aware of what you are capable of doing . .  . "

Apparently, he is not alone.

Student A is afraid, too.

A once told me she feels the fear inside of her when she pairs up with me on the mat.

I was perplexed.  

"You know I am very careful when practising with students, right?  I don't take it out on students because I don't believe in that kind of 'pedagogy'.  I am possibly one of the safest partners for you to ever practice with.  So, what do you have to fear about?"  

A broke into a nervous smile with embarrassment.  She contemplated to find the words.  Then, her smile vanished.  "Have you ever been with a tiger?"  A looked straight into my eyes intently. 

"Even though the tiger is friendly and nice, and the tiger promises not to hurt you, still, the tiger is a tiger.    And you know it.  It is a powerful being.  It has the power to end you life anytime.  For as long as you are aware of this fact, it is hard to not feel a little intimidated inside."

S thinks my senior students see me as a teddy bear.  It turned out, S underestimated their perceptiveness . . . 

A few weeks ago, a classmate, B -- a tall, big guy from the drawing class --  joked by faking martial art moves with a ferocious face in the hallway.  A very tiny Vietnamese old lady from my Low Impact Aikido class happened to walk by.  

"Hey, can she do things like this?" punching and kicking, B asked the old lady.  "Look at me!  Are you scared yet?  Who is scarier: me or her?  "

To my amusement, the Vietnamese old lady took one quick look, then responded very calmly, "Yeah, you maybe big, but you are not scary.  I don't know you.  I don't know what you can do.  But, I know her.  I have seen some of what she can do.  Yet, I have no idea what else she can do.  So, yeah, she is much scarier."

As the Aikido saying goes, your partner is your mirror.  In them, you see your own reflection.  It seems to me that even scariness is all in the eye of the beholder.