The Myth of Winning

It does not take much to notice that people do not like to practice with a particular student.  No surprise to me, people are frustrated by how difficult it is to train with this person because he resists absolutely everything and has attitude issues.

I have been practicing aikido for almost 26 years.  I know exactly why students are upset.  He who they are complaining about tends to be very stiff and forceful.  Instead of cooperating with his partner to learn both sides of a technique -- performing and receiving the technique, he tends to behave in a manner that seems either aggressive or passively aggressive.  When he is the uke (the attacker), he tends to be fast and heavy-handed.  Yet, when it is time to receive the technique, he would either resist by stiffening up or go the opposite way by becoming all limpy so there is nothing for his partner to work with.  

One time, I talked with he.

He:  Why should I comply with my partners and let them do a technique on me?

Me:  At practice, we take turns. This way, we all learn to perform the techniques.

He:  So, I am just supposed to do my part and fall down.  Is that it?

Me:  Mm, not exactly.  Your movement is a response to what your partner does.  So, it is not like you just say your line according to a fixed script.  It is an active conversation.

He:  But they can't move me.  Why should I go down?

Me:  As your partners are just learning a technique, they may not be able to make it work right away. So, it would be helpful for you to cooperate and move along so everybody gets to experience how things come together and how it feels.  Plus, if you wait for someone to move you, you may be at a very dangerous place where you have no options left. 

He:  I don't like to lose.  I learn Aikido to win.

Me: Aikido is not competitive.  Taking the fall does not mean lose; throwing does not mean win. 

He:  Of course going down means losing.  I don't want to lose.

He tends to be very insistent.  He believes he knows exactly what is going on, and he is going to defend his winning/non-losing position.  He has no idea how vulnerable he is when he is resisting, and how hard his partners are trying to protect him.  What ends up happening is that his fixation on winning makes it very difficult for him to progress in Aikido because he cannot see pass the fact that taking uke is the core of the art.

In aikido, both parties are responding to each other's moves.  We are all ukes, after all.  That is why there is no beginning, there is no end; and there is no win, there is no lose.