. . . Decisions.
This is an incident I have not told and will never tell my mother. I know she would be quite upset if she knows about it. If you know my mother, please do not tell her. Thank you.
******************
I was back in Hong Kong for a visit in 2014. It was fall time. I was strolling down Ladies' Street market alone.
I came across a stall where there were some embroidered handbags and purses. They looked like things my mother-in-law might like. Hong Kong business people are quick. The moment you pause in your walk, they immediately sense money . . .
This woman vendor hopped up to push at me many purses in her hand and asked which kind I like and how many I was buying. "What? I don't know. I am just looking!" It had been less than 24 hours since I landed in Hong Kong. I was jet lagged and my brain was still in English mode. Without thinking, I mumbled in English, "It's ok. Just looking." I was not even talking to her, but the vendor already picked it up and started speaking to me in English.
I really kicked myself for not being more aware. "Why did I say things in English? This is Hong Kong! Now that she thinks you are some ABC, what do you do? Switch back to Cantonese? Stick to English? What do you do now??? Argh!" As I was weighing my options, the vendor had already pulled out ten thousand more things and continued to work her English to get my business. I was feeling quite embarrassed to have gotten her to talk to me in English, like I was being smug. Since she tried so hard, I thought, maybe I should buy something.
I asked her the price of a purse, but her quote was way more than what I was willing to pay. I have never been much of a haggler. In my moment of hesitation, the vendor did something that helped me make my decision. In Cantonese, she started cussing me out. While she continued to put up a smiley face at me, every English sentence from her was followed by a line of nasty cuss in Cantonese. She even made a lot of really mean personal attacks about me. She thought I could not understand. Unfortunately, I could. Every single word she said.
I put down what I was looking at and started to walk away. She grabbed my arm and pulled me back. She shouted out loud,"You bastard! You are my first customer of the day. You'd better buy something or you bring me bad luck and ruin my day!" I tried to brush her hand off my shoulder, but she would not let go. I told her I was not buying from her and I was leaving. To my surprise, her response was to hit me!
Although I am no giant, this woman was quite a bit shorter and definitely smaller than me. I could tell she was really trying to hit me hard on my shoulder and my upper back, but it felt like nothing to me. For a split second, I wondered if I should use some Aikido move to at least get her hands off of me. Yet, I did not. In fact, I even stood there to take her hit.
To me, this gets back to the decision that one knows Aikido gets to make.
I know she was upset because she believed that if the first customer bought nothing, she would have a terrible day of sales. She really wanted my business. Meanwhile, what do I want from her? Nothing. Even had I wanted to buy a purse, I could buy it from other vendors. I did not need anything from her.
In addition, after taking the first hit from her, I knew she was really incapable of hurting me. Yet, given how emotional she was, if I were to do anything she did not expect -- even as simple as getting out of her grip, she might lose her balance and get hurt.
According to her, I already ruined her day. Working as a street vendor is a tough life. I bet she must be quite stressed out. I felt sorry for her. I did not like her being so rude and mean, but, still, I did not want to see her hurt. Not that I enjoyed being hit, but I could take it. Hopefully she felt better after taking it out on me.
Finally, when she was done hitting me, before I left, I told her out loud: "The fact that I do not buy from you has nothing to do with the merchandise or your prices. It is all because you are not a good person."
My friend, Chris, from Valley Aikido, asks how one makes such a decision. It is a good question. I really don't know. I never spent much time thinking about it. My best honest answer at this point is: I listen to my heart.
Think about it this way: If I would spare the life of a big fat carpenter bee that just drilled a big hole in my deck in the backyard, how do you think I can hurt another human being at Aikido or at a market?
******************
I was back in Hong Kong for a visit in 2014. It was fall time. I was strolling down Ladies' Street market alone.
I came across a stall where there were some embroidered handbags and purses. They looked like things my mother-in-law might like. Hong Kong business people are quick. The moment you pause in your walk, they immediately sense money . . .
This woman vendor hopped up to push at me many purses in her hand and asked which kind I like and how many I was buying. "What? I don't know. I am just looking!" It had been less than 24 hours since I landed in Hong Kong. I was jet lagged and my brain was still in English mode. Without thinking, I mumbled in English, "It's ok. Just looking." I was not even talking to her, but the vendor already picked it up and started speaking to me in English.
I really kicked myself for not being more aware. "Why did I say things in English? This is Hong Kong! Now that she thinks you are some ABC, what do you do? Switch back to Cantonese? Stick to English? What do you do now??? Argh!" As I was weighing my options, the vendor had already pulled out ten thousand more things and continued to work her English to get my business. I was feeling quite embarrassed to have gotten her to talk to me in English, like I was being smug. Since she tried so hard, I thought, maybe I should buy something.
I asked her the price of a purse, but her quote was way more than what I was willing to pay. I have never been much of a haggler. In my moment of hesitation, the vendor did something that helped me make my decision. In Cantonese, she started cussing me out. While she continued to put up a smiley face at me, every English sentence from her was followed by a line of nasty cuss in Cantonese. She even made a lot of really mean personal attacks about me. She thought I could not understand. Unfortunately, I could. Every single word she said.
I put down what I was looking at and started to walk away. She grabbed my arm and pulled me back. She shouted out loud,"You bastard! You are my first customer of the day. You'd better buy something or you bring me bad luck and ruin my day!" I tried to brush her hand off my shoulder, but she would not let go. I told her I was not buying from her and I was leaving. To my surprise, her response was to hit me!
Although I am no giant, this woman was quite a bit shorter and definitely smaller than me. I could tell she was really trying to hit me hard on my shoulder and my upper back, but it felt like nothing to me. For a split second, I wondered if I should use some Aikido move to at least get her hands off of me. Yet, I did not. In fact, I even stood there to take her hit.
To me, this gets back to the decision that one knows Aikido gets to make.
I know she was upset because she believed that if the first customer bought nothing, she would have a terrible day of sales. She really wanted my business. Meanwhile, what do I want from her? Nothing. Even had I wanted to buy a purse, I could buy it from other vendors. I did not need anything from her.
In addition, after taking the first hit from her, I knew she was really incapable of hurting me. Yet, given how emotional she was, if I were to do anything she did not expect -- even as simple as getting out of her grip, she might lose her balance and get hurt.
According to her, I already ruined her day. Working as a street vendor is a tough life. I bet she must be quite stressed out. I felt sorry for her. I did not like her being so rude and mean, but, still, I did not want to see her hurt. Not that I enjoyed being hit, but I could take it. Hopefully she felt better after taking it out on me.
Finally, when she was done hitting me, before I left, I told her out loud: "The fact that I do not buy from you has nothing to do with the merchandise or your prices. It is all because you are not a good person."
My friend, Chris, from Valley Aikido, asks how one makes such a decision. It is a good question. I really don't know. I never spent much time thinking about it. My best honest answer at this point is: I listen to my heart.
Think about it this way: If I would spare the life of a big fat carpenter bee that just drilled a big hole in my deck in the backyard, how do you think I can hurt another human being at Aikido or at a market?
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