Remember: You Are A Martian!
I left my parents' house when I was 23 to go to France. I was not supposed to do that.
I came from a poor family. My oldest brother and sister dropped out of school to work in order to support the family, so that I and my two other brothers get to go to school. Although nobody ever said anything to me, I knew the assumption was that after I graduate from college, I work and help support the family.
As I said, I didn't. Instead, I got a scholarship from the French government and went away for two years. I fled my family.
Do not be mistaken that my family did not love me or mistreated me. We are extremely close. We care a lot about each other, so much that, for a young person, it almost felt suffocating. There is nothing called personal matter because everybody is involved in your every decision. I spent my life living out their expectations. I needed to run away to find myself.
It was a shock to my siblings when I announced I was going to France. It was a shock to me that it was a shock to them because I thought I had been informing them about it all along, but nobody took me seriously . . . until I was all set to go.
I grew into a different person after two years of being on my own. Frequent family letters were not sufficient to fill them in on how much I had changed. I was like a genie out of the bottle. They cannot put me back. I have changed. I am my own person. I am not obedient anymore.
For many years, my new self and the expectations of my family did not go well together. We often clashed over even small things because I do not quietly do what I think they want me to do by sensing what they desire for me like I used to do. Even after I moved to the US to live, when I go back to visit, I cannot help feeling anxious. I fear that they may corner me and try to put me back into the bottle. I need to assert myself incessantly. I feel like I have to be in "Combat Mode" all the time.
"Why is my beloved family like this? Why can't they be different? Don't they get tired playing this game? Don't they feel the same suffocation I feel? Why can't they stop? Leave me alone!!!" The mere thought of visiting Hong Kong stresses me out.
One time, I told my friend, Gail, a counsellor, that I was going to visit my family soon. "Really? Wow! Isn't it great?" Then, she saw on my face that I was not feeling so great about the trip at all. I shared with her how I felt and why I felt that way.
Gail gave me the following advice: "Remember: you are a Martian. You are here to visit planet Earth. You may make observations, and enjoy yourself as much as you can. However, don't try to change anybody. Before your arrival, life was already like this. After you leave, life will go on the same old way. Return to your planet and live your Martian life."
Since that very day, I have become a Martian. A much happier Martian. With time, my Earthling hosts have become more welcoming when I come to visit. Planet Earth has become a favorite Martian vacation destination.
I came from a poor family. My oldest brother and sister dropped out of school to work in order to support the family, so that I and my two other brothers get to go to school. Although nobody ever said anything to me, I knew the assumption was that after I graduate from college, I work and help support the family.
As I said, I didn't. Instead, I got a scholarship from the French government and went away for two years. I fled my family.
Do not be mistaken that my family did not love me or mistreated me. We are extremely close. We care a lot about each other, so much that, for a young person, it almost felt suffocating. There is nothing called personal matter because everybody is involved in your every decision. I spent my life living out their expectations. I needed to run away to find myself.
It was a shock to my siblings when I announced I was going to France. It was a shock to me that it was a shock to them because I thought I had been informing them about it all along, but nobody took me seriously . . . until I was all set to go.
I grew into a different person after two years of being on my own. Frequent family letters were not sufficient to fill them in on how much I had changed. I was like a genie out of the bottle. They cannot put me back. I have changed. I am my own person. I am not obedient anymore.
For many years, my new self and the expectations of my family did not go well together. We often clashed over even small things because I do not quietly do what I think they want me to do by sensing what they desire for me like I used to do. Even after I moved to the US to live, when I go back to visit, I cannot help feeling anxious. I fear that they may corner me and try to put me back into the bottle. I need to assert myself incessantly. I feel like I have to be in "Combat Mode" all the time.
"Why is my beloved family like this? Why can't they be different? Don't they get tired playing this game? Don't they feel the same suffocation I feel? Why can't they stop? Leave me alone!!!" The mere thought of visiting Hong Kong stresses me out.
One time, I told my friend, Gail, a counsellor, that I was going to visit my family soon. "Really? Wow! Isn't it great?" Then, she saw on my face that I was not feeling so great about the trip at all. I shared with her how I felt and why I felt that way.
Gail gave me the following advice: "Remember: you are a Martian. You are here to visit planet Earth. You may make observations, and enjoy yourself as much as you can. However, don't try to change anybody. Before your arrival, life was already like this. After you leave, life will go on the same old way. Return to your planet and live your Martian life."
Since that very day, I have become a Martian. A much happier Martian. With time, my Earthling hosts have become more welcoming when I come to visit. Planet Earth has become a favorite Martian vacation destination.
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