Fast And Furious
In the announcement by Shimizu Sensei at Saku Dojo's anniversary seminar in early May, bullying was one of the subjects of concern. Even during practice, Endo Sensei took the time to make a point:
"It is always easy to pick on someone who is smaller or weaker. Yet, some people like to derive pleasure out of bullying the weak. Isn't it kind of shallow?"
Such affirmations from senior teachers are like music to my ears. Being a small woman, throughout my Aikido journey, I have experienced too many times bigger and/ or more experienced people's demonstration of their strength and abilities on me. I bet my stories would resonate in some of you, small folks.
For years, many big partners I encountered did not give a damn to attacks from me. I could see in their eyes that "defending against me" was a joke. Shomenuchi? I cannot reach their heads even on tipped toes. Honestly, I used to identify these people by their chest hair patterns because their faces are too far up for me to see. They don't even need to use Aikido. With their size and strength, they can easily wrap one of their massive hands around my arm and chuck me like a bag of trash, and I would fly like a booger. It is painful and humiliating.
Although we have been told since Day One that Aikido is not a contest of strength and it is not a competition, it does not stop people's aggression on the mat. Whatever is missing from the techniques is made up with brute force. Interestingly, this phenomenon is equally common among people of all sizes and across genders. To me, this is one's insecurities in full display, as if they feel the need to prove that they deserve to stay on the mat.
Having been hurt enough times, I thought I would ask my partners for help. I tried asking my partners to slow down and be more gentle. Little did I expect that to offend them and cause even more aggression. It turned out my plea was heard as an accusation. They get angry instantaneously and beat on me even harder. I really learnt my lesson.
Now that I am older, with my physical issues, I confess to people that I am old, frail and slow. I ask them to help me by slowing down for me. I tell them that I cry easily and loudly. If they hurt me and make me cry, everybody will know they are responsible. People usually take it as a silly joke. They tend to laugh, slow down and become more gentle. However, this "technique" does not work universally for everyone.
"It is always easy to pick on someone who is smaller or weaker. Yet, some people like to derive pleasure out of bullying the weak. Isn't it kind of shallow?"
Such affirmations from senior teachers are like music to my ears. Being a small woman, throughout my Aikido journey, I have experienced too many times bigger and/ or more experienced people's demonstration of their strength and abilities on me. I bet my stories would resonate in some of you, small folks.
For years, many big partners I encountered did not give a damn to attacks from me. I could see in their eyes that "defending against me" was a joke. Shomenuchi? I cannot reach their heads even on tipped toes. Honestly, I used to identify these people by their chest hair patterns because their faces are too far up for me to see. They don't even need to use Aikido. With their size and strength, they can easily wrap one of their massive hands around my arm and chuck me like a bag of trash, and I would fly like a booger. It is painful and humiliating.
Although we have been told since Day One that Aikido is not a contest of strength and it is not a competition, it does not stop people's aggression on the mat. Whatever is missing from the techniques is made up with brute force. Interestingly, this phenomenon is equally common among people of all sizes and across genders. To me, this is one's insecurities in full display, as if they feel the need to prove that they deserve to stay on the mat.
Having been hurt enough times, I thought I would ask my partners for help. I tried asking my partners to slow down and be more gentle. Little did I expect that to offend them and cause even more aggression. It turned out my plea was heard as an accusation. They get angry instantaneously and beat on me even harder. I really learnt my lesson.
Now that I am older, with my physical issues, I confess to people that I am old, frail and slow. I ask them to help me by slowing down for me. I tell them that I cry easily and loudly. If they hurt me and make me cry, everybody will know they are responsible. People usually take it as a silly joke. They tend to laugh, slow down and become more gentle. However, this "technique" does not work universally for everyone.
My tip to students is that, if they encounter a difficult situation where their partners just would not back off, they may stop training and simply raise their hand to ask for the sensei's intervention. Do not try to tackle it yourself because you cannot. Instead of making it worse, get sensei involved and let him or her figure it out for you. Particularly if that person is your sempai, there is little you can do. Let the sensei handle it. It is the instructor's responsibility to take care of and protect all students on the mat. Nobody should have to feel threatened.
One of the first things that I learnt from the late Kenneth Cottier Sensei is that it is a shameful thing to damage one's partner simply for the sake of your own ego. No matter how much you may wish to do a technique, be it a throw or a pin, you do not sacrifice your partner.
In similar light, during the seminar, Endo Sensei keeps reminding us that we should slow down and be more gentle if we encounter difficulties. "Your partner gives his energy to help you learn. And all you have for him is this [brute force]? What kind of person are you?"
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