Water Child
In Japanese temple yards, it is not uncommon to find cute little statues that are dressed in little red bonnets and bibs. Often times candies and toys are placed nearby as offerings. They are Jizo -- guardian saints for children. These statues are memorials for dead fetuses due to miscarriage, stillbirth or abortion. In Japanese, there is a term "Mizuko" (literally "water child") for these young souls. Reportedly, Mizuko kuyo (dead fetus memorial service) is a big business in Japan.
Some people criticize the temples for abusing the public's belief and emotions. I have read some reports of that to be true. Post-mortem services are more for the living than for the deceased. For the industry to prosper, I believe, there must be a need for it.
Unlike the death of a person, the death of a fetus may not even be mentioned. The parents just mourn silently. The ceremony may serve as an acknowledgement of the event. Making offerings to the statue gives the parents a chance to do something for the baby they do not get to care for. It may not be a bad way to bring peace after such loss that is invisible to others.
Due to their circumstances, my parents chose to terminate several pregnancies decades ago. When my mother was carrying me, she took medications to induce miscarriage. They worked twice before, and another time after, but it did not work on me. That is why I am still here. The subject came up in one of our phone conversations.
My mother was very apologetic and asked for my forgiveness. She believes that, even though I survived, the chemicals she ingested must have done damage to me. That has to be why I was aa sickly child and had cancer at a young age.
I believe in science. I told her honestly that I know no evidence that supported her claim. Plus, she and my father did not do it because they wanted to get rid of me. They did not even know me. It was not personal. They were just trying to avoid a child from being born into poverty. It was all out of good intentions. They did not mean it. She should not have to apologize for it.
Mama went on to tell me teachings she learnt at Buddhist church: All sentient beings go through reincarnation until they reach enlightenment. A soul has to go through a lot before they get a chance to reincarnate as a person. "But I took it away from them," as she talked about the three fetuses that she did not carry to term. "I am so guilty. I regret so much about what I did." My poor mother was weeping over the phone.
"Mama, do you believe in karma?" "Yes, I do. I have built bad karma by what I did. I deserve it." she replied. "Well, Mama, if you believe in karma, have you ever wondered why these potential children of yours did not make it to the world? What do you think they have done? They were so close to becoming a person again, but it did not happen. Don't you think there must be a reason they lost their turn?" My question must have touched her somehow. I could hear Mama paused to catch her breath. "I don't know. I never thought about it that way." I think that got her thinking.
"Could it be possible that the karma of these souls simply caught up with them. As such, at a critical moment, they were bummed back to the end of the line. Or, perhaps they did you wrong in some previous lives, so you get to intercept them? It may also be possible that, in this intricate world wide web of karma, you were just utilized to make them pay for something they did in the past. You had nothing to do with them before. But now, because of your involvement, you may have to pay them back in the future. What do you think?"
After listening to the different scenarios that I suggested, she muttered between sniffles, "I never would have thought about such possibilities. But I did it . . ." "Yeah, Mama, it was done through you. However, how can you ever be sure that your free will is actually as free as you think? Maybe it just had to happen, and you happened to be pregnant. Since you were available, you were the one to do it. You are just a little cog in this enormous mechanism that we can never fully understand. I think you should forgive yourself." My poor, agonizing mother!
"Life was so hard then. I was not even sure if I could survive, let alone you kids. Had I known that we could make it through the way we did, I would have kept every single baby!" My mother was a little carried away.
"Hey, Mama, had you had eight children rather than five, who knows if things would have worked out the same way? You don't know how those kids would turn out. Having to feed three more children, more of my siblings might have to drop out of school to help support the family. Even so, you might not have been able to send any of us to college. It would be a very different situation. We could still be picking bean sprouts in the wet market. Don't be greedy!" She broke out a chuckle and agreed. Yet, Mama still felt that she owed those souls.
"What has happened has happened. You cannot go back and give birth to these babies," I tried to come up with some way for her to express her grief. "It is true that you took away their chances to reincarnate. For that, you may have to pay back some time. You can't change that. To demonstrate your remorse and to console those souls, maybe you can chant for them during your morning prayer? Will that help?"
I could hear my mom sobbing at the other end of the line again. "This big knot has been in my heart for so long. Every time I think about it, it hurts me all over again. It has been eating me from the inside. I never would have thought that you are the one to untie it for me. You know, I almost got rid of you, too. . . . Sigh. . . . I am so grateful."
Like many people, I have wondered many times why I am here in this world. What is my reason of being? I just got my answer.
Some people criticize the temples for abusing the public's belief and emotions. I have read some reports of that to be true. Post-mortem services are more for the living than for the deceased. For the industry to prosper, I believe, there must be a need for it.
Unlike the death of a person, the death of a fetus may not even be mentioned. The parents just mourn silently. The ceremony may serve as an acknowledgement of the event. Making offerings to the statue gives the parents a chance to do something for the baby they do not get to care for. It may not be a bad way to bring peace after such loss that is invisible to others.
Due to their circumstances, my parents chose to terminate several pregnancies decades ago. When my mother was carrying me, she took medications to induce miscarriage. They worked twice before, and another time after, but it did not work on me. That is why I am still here. The subject came up in one of our phone conversations.
My mother was very apologetic and asked for my forgiveness. She believes that, even though I survived, the chemicals she ingested must have done damage to me. That has to be why I was aa sickly child and had cancer at a young age.
I believe in science. I told her honestly that I know no evidence that supported her claim. Plus, she and my father did not do it because they wanted to get rid of me. They did not even know me. It was not personal. They were just trying to avoid a child from being born into poverty. It was all out of good intentions. They did not mean it. She should not have to apologize for it.
Mama went on to tell me teachings she learnt at Buddhist church: All sentient beings go through reincarnation until they reach enlightenment. A soul has to go through a lot before they get a chance to reincarnate as a person. "But I took it away from them," as she talked about the three fetuses that she did not carry to term. "I am so guilty. I regret so much about what I did." My poor mother was weeping over the phone.
"Mama, do you believe in karma?" "Yes, I do. I have built bad karma by what I did. I deserve it." she replied. "Well, Mama, if you believe in karma, have you ever wondered why these potential children of yours did not make it to the world? What do you think they have done? They were so close to becoming a person again, but it did not happen. Don't you think there must be a reason they lost their turn?" My question must have touched her somehow. I could hear Mama paused to catch her breath. "I don't know. I never thought about it that way." I think that got her thinking.
"Could it be possible that the karma of these souls simply caught up with them. As such, at a critical moment, they were bummed back to the end of the line. Or, perhaps they did you wrong in some previous lives, so you get to intercept them? It may also be possible that, in this intricate world wide web of karma, you were just utilized to make them pay for something they did in the past. You had nothing to do with them before. But now, because of your involvement, you may have to pay them back in the future. What do you think?"
After listening to the different scenarios that I suggested, she muttered between sniffles, "I never would have thought about such possibilities. But I did it . . ." "Yeah, Mama, it was done through you. However, how can you ever be sure that your free will is actually as free as you think? Maybe it just had to happen, and you happened to be pregnant. Since you were available, you were the one to do it. You are just a little cog in this enormous mechanism that we can never fully understand. I think you should forgive yourself." My poor, agonizing mother!
"Life was so hard then. I was not even sure if I could survive, let alone you kids. Had I known that we could make it through the way we did, I would have kept every single baby!" My mother was a little carried away.
"Hey, Mama, had you had eight children rather than five, who knows if things would have worked out the same way? You don't know how those kids would turn out. Having to feed three more children, more of my siblings might have to drop out of school to help support the family. Even so, you might not have been able to send any of us to college. It would be a very different situation. We could still be picking bean sprouts in the wet market. Don't be greedy!" She broke out a chuckle and agreed. Yet, Mama still felt that she owed those souls.
"What has happened has happened. You cannot go back and give birth to these babies," I tried to come up with some way for her to express her grief. "It is true that you took away their chances to reincarnate. For that, you may have to pay back some time. You can't change that. To demonstrate your remorse and to console those souls, maybe you can chant for them during your morning prayer? Will that help?"
I could hear my mom sobbing at the other end of the line again. "This big knot has been in my heart for so long. Every time I think about it, it hurts me all over again. It has been eating me from the inside. I never would have thought that you are the one to untie it for me. You know, I almost got rid of you, too. . . . Sigh. . . . I am so grateful."
Like many people, I have wondered many times why I am here in this world. What is my reason of being? I just got my answer.
Credit: www.arsbenevolamater.com
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