A God, A Parent And A Friend
In Chinese culture, we have the concept that "people within the four seas are one family". As such, when we greet a stranger in the street, we do not address them by Miss/ Mister. Instead, depending on our age difference, we call them Sister/ Brother, Auntie/ Uncle or Grandma/ Grandpa. Friends of our parents are all uncles and aunties. It is considered rude to address people senior to oneself by their given names.
At home, we have our blood family. When we go to school or to follow a master to study something, we become part of a "learning family". The teacher is the head of the "household" and our fellow students are now our brothers and sisters. The title "Sifu" that even westerners have learned to address Kung Fu masters, for example, literally means "Teacher Father". Traditionally, one's Sifu is entitled to the same respect as one's natural parents. The late Kenneth Cottier Shihan was my Sifu. He was very much a father to me. He was very loving and caring, but he was extremely strict on the Aikido mat. Sometimes I was shaken by his demeanor, but I never doubted for a moment the intention behind it. I know he loved me.
The main reason we chose to settle down in the DC area was because we wanted to learn Aikido from Clyde Takeguchi Shihan. It makes me feel very special to share the same birthday with him. Sensei was happy that we return to the area and welcomed us to practice at his dojo. So, I am a member of the dojo. But, am I his student? Can I tell people I am a Takeguchi student? I asked Sensei on the way to our dojo drinking hole one evening. He stopped, turned to me, put his hands on my shoulders and said with a big smile, "Yes, of course! It's my honor." Thinking about it, I still want to cry. "Your honor? No, it's mine. Totally mine, Sensei." I just got adopted! My teacher has accepted me. Once again, I am with family.
I grew up in a rather traditional family. I took the Chinese cultural teaching to heart. Sensei is like a parent to me. Whatever he says, I try to make it happen. I try to take care of him the best I can. Apparently, he did not quite share the same perspective. One day, we were chatting and he said he was my friend. I froze for a moment staring at him. He was perplexed by my response. So, I explained that I considered him one the fathers in my life. And that got him frozen for quite a while. Just like many other masters in the American culture, despite our teacher/ student relationship on the mat, off the mat, Sensei treats us like friends.
A while ago, I talked to a Japanese sensei about the encounters of Mike and I had with other senseis in Japan. These senseis were all very nice. Not only were they very friendly to us, but, in some cases, they were generous enough to give us things that even we did not think we deserve. I always find these situations hard to handle: while the senseis are insisting that you accept their kind acts, their students are displaying their jealousy and anger through acute hostility towards us. As students, it is rude for us to turn senseis down. However, it will not end well for us to accept such gift from them. Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place.
This sensei deeply sympathizes with the Japanese students' sentiments against "foreigners". "You have to understand: Senseis are like gods. We cannot even get close to them. We can only worship them at a distance, give them all our respect and do whatever they tell us to do. But then, you, foreigners, come and sensei is suddenly so friendly to you. We cannot even dream about talking to sensei like that. We spend years and years with sensei and get nothing. You, foreigners, come over, do nothing, but then take what we can never get. Of course we are angry!"
There was something I really wish I could say to her, but I bit my tongue the entire time: We visited this sensei some years ago. She was extremely friendly and kind to us, but not her students. If looks could kill, we would have died right there and then. Our dead bodies would have been chopped into kibbles by the look in her students' eyes.
By design, the Japanese students are set up to chase after something that they will never get. The "foreigners" are just the scape goats because it is way easier for them to blame these strangers than to be angry with their god. The one who has the ultimate power to change the dynamics is the sensei. Since this sensei has been a frustrated student herself, now that she has become "god", why doesn't she put an end to this unpleasant situation for her students?
On this, I am really grateful to my teachers. Because of the way they choose to interact with their students, never for a moment had I doubt their love for me.
Aikido is love. Aikido dojo is where we go to cultivate and practice this love for each other -- not jealousy and anger.
At home, we have our blood family. When we go to school or to follow a master to study something, we become part of a "learning family". The teacher is the head of the "household" and our fellow students are now our brothers and sisters. The title "Sifu" that even westerners have learned to address Kung Fu masters, for example, literally means "Teacher Father". Traditionally, one's Sifu is entitled to the same respect as one's natural parents. The late Kenneth Cottier Shihan was my Sifu. He was very much a father to me. He was very loving and caring, but he was extremely strict on the Aikido mat. Sometimes I was shaken by his demeanor, but I never doubted for a moment the intention behind it. I know he loved me.
The main reason we chose to settle down in the DC area was because we wanted to learn Aikido from Clyde Takeguchi Shihan. It makes me feel very special to share the same birthday with him. Sensei was happy that we return to the area and welcomed us to practice at his dojo. So, I am a member of the dojo. But, am I his student? Can I tell people I am a Takeguchi student? I asked Sensei on the way to our dojo drinking hole one evening. He stopped, turned to me, put his hands on my shoulders and said with a big smile, "Yes, of course! It's my honor." Thinking about it, I still want to cry. "Your honor? No, it's mine. Totally mine, Sensei." I just got adopted! My teacher has accepted me. Once again, I am with family.
I grew up in a rather traditional family. I took the Chinese cultural teaching to heart. Sensei is like a parent to me. Whatever he says, I try to make it happen. I try to take care of him the best I can. Apparently, he did not quite share the same perspective. One day, we were chatting and he said he was my friend. I froze for a moment staring at him. He was perplexed by my response. So, I explained that I considered him one the fathers in my life. And that got him frozen for quite a while. Just like many other masters in the American culture, despite our teacher/ student relationship on the mat, off the mat, Sensei treats us like friends.
A while ago, I talked to a Japanese sensei about the encounters of Mike and I had with other senseis in Japan. These senseis were all very nice. Not only were they very friendly to us, but, in some cases, they were generous enough to give us things that even we did not think we deserve. I always find these situations hard to handle: while the senseis are insisting that you accept their kind acts, their students are displaying their jealousy and anger through acute hostility towards us. As students, it is rude for us to turn senseis down. However, it will not end well for us to accept such gift from them. Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place.
This sensei deeply sympathizes with the Japanese students' sentiments against "foreigners". "You have to understand: Senseis are like gods. We cannot even get close to them. We can only worship them at a distance, give them all our respect and do whatever they tell us to do. But then, you, foreigners, come and sensei is suddenly so friendly to you. We cannot even dream about talking to sensei like that. We spend years and years with sensei and get nothing. You, foreigners, come over, do nothing, but then take what we can never get. Of course we are angry!"
There was something I really wish I could say to her, but I bit my tongue the entire time: We visited this sensei some years ago. She was extremely friendly and kind to us, but not her students. If looks could kill, we would have died right there and then. Our dead bodies would have been chopped into kibbles by the look in her students' eyes.
By design, the Japanese students are set up to chase after something that they will never get. The "foreigners" are just the scape goats because it is way easier for them to blame these strangers than to be angry with their god. The one who has the ultimate power to change the dynamics is the sensei. Since this sensei has been a frustrated student herself, now that she has become "god", why doesn't she put an end to this unpleasant situation for her students?
On this, I am really grateful to my teachers. Because of the way they choose to interact with their students, never for a moment had I doubt their love for me.
Aikido is love. Aikido dojo is where we go to cultivate and practice this love for each other -- not jealousy and anger.
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