Everyone Needs One
I am the little sister of three brothers and a sister. My sister was not particularly fond of me because I blew her dream of being the only girl in the family. We only become friends in our adulthood.
I was, instead, really close to my brothers. I grew up playing die cast cars and making newspaper sword with them. Together, we held our sister down to tickle her till she cried, and then fled together. We also had a lot of Ultramen vs Godzilla fights when Mom was not watching. I was always casted as Godzilla. "It does not involve jumping from the sofa so it is not as dangerous," according to my brothers. Of course, the plot is for Ultramen to jump on top of Godzilla and pound it into a pulp. But then, comes the next time, I forget all about it and agree to be Godzilla again . . .
Because of my upbringing, I feel extremely comfortable around men -- sometimes even more so than with women. Since elementary school, I have often been the only female among a bunch of guys. I am their "female brother".
Being the insider among brothers, I have learnt a few things. First, contrary to the common stereotype, guys are actually just as gossipy as women. Oh, they talk. The topics and the way they gossip may be different from that of women, but brothers can be nosy, too. It is not necessarily a bad thing because it is usually just a source of non-malicious laughter.
Second, the topics that men talk about are very different. Unlike women, they seldom talk much about anything personal. They don't share their problems and worries. They prefer chatting about sports and studies or work. It is always about how well things go and their great accomplishments. There is never a vulnerable moment. Brothers are always strong and brave with a big smile on their faces. With time, I start wondering, "Don't they ever feel lonely?" It sounds like a hard life.
I bring it up with Mike and ask him what it is like to be a man. "Yeah, men can be rather lonely animals. We are not acculturated to open up like women do. You don't want to let people think you are weak. Sometimes it can be sad," he admits.
"If I have relationship issues, I can talk to my mom, my sister or my girl friends. If you have problems with me, you sure won't complain to me about me. And you won't tell your mom, your brothers or your coworkers. What do you do then?" I ask. Mike shrugs his shoulders and says, "You digest it and move on. Men are used to it."
His answer really makes me sad.
Years ago, a friend called me from Hong Kong. Long distance calls were very expensive then. So, I figured, it must be something important. After a long silence, he says in a low voice, "I have an affair. I need to talk. I need help." I was shocked. He was the last person on Earth I would ever imagine to get into this kind of situation. "I told my best male friend about it; he yelled at me. I can't imagine telling any regular female friends. I need to talk to someone like you. I know you won't scold me. I have faith that you will understand and help me."
He is right. I am not a regular female friend. I am an irregular female friend. I know scolding him is not helpful. He already feels bad enough inside. It is more a matter of how he should move on. We talked several times a week for many weeks until he had his situation resolved.
Interestingly, the female brother married a male sister. Male sisters listen to female friends, and laugh and cry with them. My mother used to be quite concerned when she learnt that Mike went to plays and other activities with women friends without me. It is hard for someone like her to appreciate the kind of friendships and bonds men and women can have outside of romances.
Female brothers and male sisters are hard to come by. If you have found one already, lucky you. If not, you should start looking into adopting one. You will not regret it.
I was, instead, really close to my brothers. I grew up playing die cast cars and making newspaper sword with them. Together, we held our sister down to tickle her till she cried, and then fled together. We also had a lot of Ultramen vs Godzilla fights when Mom was not watching. I was always casted as Godzilla. "It does not involve jumping from the sofa so it is not as dangerous," according to my brothers. Of course, the plot is for Ultramen to jump on top of Godzilla and pound it into a pulp. But then, comes the next time, I forget all about it and agree to be Godzilla again . . .
Because of my upbringing, I feel extremely comfortable around men -- sometimes even more so than with women. Since elementary school, I have often been the only female among a bunch of guys. I am their "female brother".
Being the insider among brothers, I have learnt a few things. First, contrary to the common stereotype, guys are actually just as gossipy as women. Oh, they talk. The topics and the way they gossip may be different from that of women, but brothers can be nosy, too. It is not necessarily a bad thing because it is usually just a source of non-malicious laughter.
Second, the topics that men talk about are very different. Unlike women, they seldom talk much about anything personal. They don't share their problems and worries. They prefer chatting about sports and studies or work. It is always about how well things go and their great accomplishments. There is never a vulnerable moment. Brothers are always strong and brave with a big smile on their faces. With time, I start wondering, "Don't they ever feel lonely?" It sounds like a hard life.
I bring it up with Mike and ask him what it is like to be a man. "Yeah, men can be rather lonely animals. We are not acculturated to open up like women do. You don't want to let people think you are weak. Sometimes it can be sad," he admits.
"If I have relationship issues, I can talk to my mom, my sister or my girl friends. If you have problems with me, you sure won't complain to me about me. And you won't tell your mom, your brothers or your coworkers. What do you do then?" I ask. Mike shrugs his shoulders and says, "You digest it and move on. Men are used to it."
His answer really makes me sad.
Years ago, a friend called me from Hong Kong. Long distance calls were very expensive then. So, I figured, it must be something important. After a long silence, he says in a low voice, "I have an affair. I need to talk. I need help." I was shocked. He was the last person on Earth I would ever imagine to get into this kind of situation. "I told my best male friend about it; he yelled at me. I can't imagine telling any regular female friends. I need to talk to someone like you. I know you won't scold me. I have faith that you will understand and help me."
He is right. I am not a regular female friend. I am an irregular female friend. I know scolding him is not helpful. He already feels bad enough inside. It is more a matter of how he should move on. We talked several times a week for many weeks until he had his situation resolved.
Interestingly, the female brother married a male sister. Male sisters listen to female friends, and laugh and cry with them. My mother used to be quite concerned when she learnt that Mike went to plays and other activities with women friends without me. It is hard for someone like her to appreciate the kind of friendships and bonds men and women can have outside of romances.
Female brothers and male sisters are hard to come by. If you have found one already, lucky you. If not, you should start looking into adopting one. You will not regret it.
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