1 + 1 = 1

Most Aikido beginners, even those who claim to be rather agile and athletic, tend to find themselves extremely clumsy when they first start learning the art.  Even though Aikido moves are natural movements, they are learnt movements, not innate abilities.  It takes a while for people to get use to the patterns and the new ways of using the body.

Once people start to get the hang of it and find their strength again in this new body system, they are likely to be tempted to use their body system to exert forces onto the partner's system.  Now that they feel stronger than ever, shouldn't this make everything work better?  Interestingly, no.  The moment they do that, they get stuck.  The whole thing is over.  In a life or death situation, the moment you are stuck, it means death.  

One important concept in Aikido is that the union of the two systems -- the uke and the nage -- now becomes one system.  Using the yin-yang sign to demonstrate this:  One partner is the black side, the other partner is the white side.  Together, they make up the new 100%.

The genius of Aikido is that one only needs to control his 50% in the union, then he essential has control of the entire 100%.  Just like the yin-yang sign, if the black side moves, there is no way the white side stays still.  The black side only has to move clearly and coherently, it already has control over the white side -- unless the white side chooses to disengage.

Having said that,  it does not mean the black side can do whatever he wants in whatever way he feels like.  He has to move in such a way so that his partner can move along with him.  If he makes it too difficult for the white side to follow, he may end up tearing the union apart himself.  To put it in an imagery: you may move in very acute angles if you are riding a unicycle.  However, the unicycle can only carry one person.  If you are operating a two-seater vehicle, you will have to adjust your angles so that you and your passenger can both ride along comfortably.

To apply this concept into Aikido movement:  If you want your partner to move with you, you have to move "inclusively".  As Henry Kono Sensei once said, "You do not do what you want to do; you do what your partner want to do."  You have to give consideration to whether it is easy for the partner to follow or they may likely resist or even disengage from the union.

The physical movements is the easier part to learn.  The real challenge is the mental aspect.

You have to learn to accept you do not get to have everything in life.  You are 50% of the union.  The most you can ever have is 50%.  Ever though you may be able to influence the other 50%, you still can only own your 50%.  Mind your business.  Quit being a control freak.  You want control?  Learn to control yourself first.