Don't Cry Out Loud
Student J says he is very afraid when he pairs up with me. I thought it was because he felt intimidated by the teacher. His answer: "On your face, I cannot read anything. There is absolutely no emotions. I like to read what my partner is thinking, but I find no clue on your face. It scares me." It was a little surprising that such a new student to Aikido is perceptive enough to make this observation.
Before J became part of the group, other students used to joke about "the scary eyebrows of Meipo's". Yes, when I was uke, I used to raise my eyebrows just before I launched my attack. It took me a while to eliminate that prelude to my attack. Students ask me why I feel the need to change that. My explanation: "I do not need to telegraph to anybody my next move. Nobody needs to know what I am about to do." Some things you want to share with the world. Yet, other things are better to be kept to yourself.
In addition, that little eyebrow movement indicates that my mind flickers. As my mind flickers, my center wavers. A wavering center means I have lost control of myself. In a life or death situation, it means the game is over for me.
I was delighted to have a conversation with a student who gets angry when he is frustrated on the mat. One evening, he had a hard time with a certain move. I tried to offer my take on where the problem lied. It is one of those situations when the explanation is beyond the appreciation of the student at his current level. The student blew up and walked away. I am glad that he came back to me to talk after class. He apologized for blowing up; I apologized for not being able to explain better. What we both agree is that his temperament is an issue.
This student is very smart, self-driven and dedicated in whatever he chooses to do. He is a sweet person, but his temper can be quick and strong. For the longest time, I worry that this Achilles heel of his may become a big obstacle for him in life. I am so glad that he is open to talking about it and admitting that this has been an issue since childhood. So, we talked about different ways of diffusing the intense emotions inside, how to set reasonable expectations for oneself and how he can use Aikido training to bring about changes that he needs.
"It is good to be a genuine and truthful person. However, the whole world does not need to see your internal state. Learn to contain yourself and control yourself." Stress came off of his face. The look in his eyes softened. And a lovely, gentle smile reappeared.
People often ask why we are willing to spend so much time and resources to teach Aikido. If you have witnessed moments like this, you will agree that it is worth every single drop of your effort as an instructor.
Before J became part of the group, other students used to joke about "the scary eyebrows of Meipo's". Yes, when I was uke, I used to raise my eyebrows just before I launched my attack. It took me a while to eliminate that prelude to my attack. Students ask me why I feel the need to change that. My explanation: "I do not need to telegraph to anybody my next move. Nobody needs to know what I am about to do." Some things you want to share with the world. Yet, other things are better to be kept to yourself.
In addition, that little eyebrow movement indicates that my mind flickers. As my mind flickers, my center wavers. A wavering center means I have lost control of myself. In a life or death situation, it means the game is over for me.
I was delighted to have a conversation with a student who gets angry when he is frustrated on the mat. One evening, he had a hard time with a certain move. I tried to offer my take on where the problem lied. It is one of those situations when the explanation is beyond the appreciation of the student at his current level. The student blew up and walked away. I am glad that he came back to me to talk after class. He apologized for blowing up; I apologized for not being able to explain better. What we both agree is that his temperament is an issue.
This student is very smart, self-driven and dedicated in whatever he chooses to do. He is a sweet person, but his temper can be quick and strong. For the longest time, I worry that this Achilles heel of his may become a big obstacle for him in life. I am so glad that he is open to talking about it and admitting that this has been an issue since childhood. So, we talked about different ways of diffusing the intense emotions inside, how to set reasonable expectations for oneself and how he can use Aikido training to bring about changes that he needs.
"It is good to be a genuine and truthful person. However, the whole world does not need to see your internal state. Learn to contain yourself and control yourself." Stress came off of his face. The look in his eyes softened. And a lovely, gentle smile reappeared.
People often ask why we are willing to spend so much time and resources to teach Aikido. If you have witnessed moments like this, you will agree that it is worth every single drop of your effort as an instructor.
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