Right At Your Fingertip
Everybody longs for something. Regardless of how it may seem "minor" to others, it is significant to the person in question. The void it leaves, sometimes, is enough to make people crack. The unfortunate thing is that this "something" tends to be what money cannot buy.
I know a wealthy family that lives in a mansion they built for themselves. The kids each have their own spacious bedrooms with beautiful custom furniture. Their enormous play room has countless toys surrounded by an upscale audio visual system. These children are never lacking of anything. However, when asked, what the kids tell you they really want is to read a book on the lap of their parents.
A friend grew up in a well-to-do family. He has garnered enough money to live comfortably for three more life times without having to work. He can own whatever he wishes. The last time I talked to him, however, he ranted about how his mom held a big birthday party, inviting pretty much everybody -- except him. He was clearly aching. This huge grown man has hosted so many fancy parties himself, but he did not get to go to the one that matters the most to him.
An old gentleman is very upset at a family gathering before the wedding of his wife's grandchild. He has always been supportive for this kid all along. He has been so proud of this grandkid like his own. He has been looking forward to seeing him marry. The big event he has been waiting for is finally here, but he looks miserable. What is the problem? "He won't call me Papa!" It turns out, the grandchild, somehow, unilaterally, decided to stop addressing his step grandfather as "Papa" -- the way it has been all his life. All of a sudden, they are now on first name basis. Understandably, Papa feels rejected and disrespected . . .
A graduate student told me about his issues with a professor. From what he described, I had the feeling that this non-white female professor was offended by him. The relationship between them had become rather tense. For a lady of her background and her generation to earn all the degrees and credentials to become a tenured professor in a specialized field, I am sure she had to overcome a lot of hurdles and had a lot of struggles. I asked this young white male to try to put himself in her shoes and imagine how she could have perceived his actions as a challenge to her. The young man diligently tried to present himself differently so to demonstrate his respect and gratitude for his professor. Things quickly turned around within weeks. Apparently, the perceived challenge from one single student is sufficient to trouble a renown scholar, despite all her professional achievements and recognition by so many in her field.
I know a wealthy family that lives in a mansion they built for themselves. The kids each have their own spacious bedrooms with beautiful custom furniture. Their enormous play room has countless toys surrounded by an upscale audio visual system. These children are never lacking of anything. However, when asked, what the kids tell you they really want is to read a book on the lap of their parents.
A friend grew up in a well-to-do family. He has garnered enough money to live comfortably for three more life times without having to work. He can own whatever he wishes. The last time I talked to him, however, he ranted about how his mom held a big birthday party, inviting pretty much everybody -- except him. He was clearly aching. This huge grown man has hosted so many fancy parties himself, but he did not get to go to the one that matters the most to him.
An old gentleman is very upset at a family gathering before the wedding of his wife's grandchild. He has always been supportive for this kid all along. He has been so proud of this grandkid like his own. He has been looking forward to seeing him marry. The big event he has been waiting for is finally here, but he looks miserable. What is the problem? "He won't call me Papa!" It turns out, the grandchild, somehow, unilaterally, decided to stop addressing his step grandfather as "Papa" -- the way it has been all his life. All of a sudden, they are now on first name basis. Understandably, Papa feels rejected and disrespected . . .
A graduate student told me about his issues with a professor. From what he described, I had the feeling that this non-white female professor was offended by him. The relationship between them had become rather tense. For a lady of her background and her generation to earn all the degrees and credentials to become a tenured professor in a specialized field, I am sure she had to overcome a lot of hurdles and had a lot of struggles. I asked this young white male to try to put himself in her shoes and imagine how she could have perceived his actions as a challenge to her. The young man diligently tried to present himself differently so to demonstrate his respect and gratitude for his professor. Things quickly turned around within weeks. Apparently, the perceived challenge from one single student is sufficient to trouble a renown scholar, despite all her professional achievements and recognition by so many in her field.
None of these are surprising if you consider the fact that a wealthy business man who manages to become "the most powerful person in the world" needs constant praise for self affirmation. He compares himself to his predecessors nonstop. He has to be always right. His ceaseless effort to seek people's approval does not bring the results he desires. It only exacerbates his sense of insecurity and desperateness. The treadmill he is on is driving him to run faster and faster, and to do more and more extreme things in order to satisfy his insatiable psychological needs . . .
And you? What do you long for? What do you think the people around you are yearning for? If you want to push someone's button, that is where the buttons are. Similarly, if you want to make someone happy, the magic button is right at your fingertip. It is the exact same button. The question is: Which way are you going to push it?
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