Frozen
Why didn't you resist? Why didn't you say something? Why didn't you report it? Why did you keep going back? Why did you wait so long to speak up? If it is really that bad, it should be very memorable. Why can't you provide more details? How can you say you don't remember? WHY? WHY?? WHY???
These are the kind of questions that people pose to victims of sexual harassment, assaults and other kinds of abuses. They are seemingly logical questions. The lack of logical responses from the victims make them look really stupid. Their claims sound weak. It makes people wonder if they are credible at all.
On my favorite NPR radio show, Hidden Brain, a recent episode examined just that. It turns out, our brains function very differently when we are at a heightened emotional state. They used different examples, and real life incidents of real people to illustrate the point. It throws a lot of light of why we do what we do -- or, to me, why I do what I do.
Since I was a kindergartener, I have had more than enough encounters with men who rendered me uninvited, unwanted attention. I was bullied a lot in school when I was little. I worked in an abusive work environment. Feeling uncertain about what had transpired, and feeling uncertain about myself as a young person, when faced with such intense situations, my first reaction was always to question myself: "Is it really what I thought it was? What did I do? Have I done anything wrong? Did I do anything to bring it upon myself??" I was more frozen than frozen.
One may think: As an educated, intelligent grown woman armed with so much life experience, I should be much better prepared to deal with these situations now. But the truth is: when the unthinkable happens, I still can freeze in disbelief. By the time I can gather myself to respond rationally, it is too late. Like before, I kick myself for not having responded more strongly. "At least throw out a good comeback line!" Why can't I? It is just because I am human. As the scientists on the show explained, having had previous experiences does not give you immunity for future incidents. It is just the way our brains work. I, personally, can testify to that fact.
The one blessing in my life is that I practice Aikido. In Aikido, we basically use the approach of "desensitization" to gradually accustom people to dealing with intense situations. With time, people are so used to watching punches and hits fly by without blinking an eye. They learn to stay calm so that they can pull off their moves swiftly.
Not all intense situations involves physical violence and call for Aikido techniques, but we can all definitely use a calm, rational mind for calling up our best responses at times of need.
Thanks to Aikido, I don't freeze as often or as easily. Even if I become frozen, I thaw much more readily. Want to learn to protect yourself better? Make a new year resolution: Try Aikido!
Listen to Hidden Brain [In The Heat Of The Moment]
These are the kind of questions that people pose to victims of sexual harassment, assaults and other kinds of abuses. They are seemingly logical questions. The lack of logical responses from the victims make them look really stupid. Their claims sound weak. It makes people wonder if they are credible at all.
On my favorite NPR radio show, Hidden Brain, a recent episode examined just that. It turns out, our brains function very differently when we are at a heightened emotional state. They used different examples, and real life incidents of real people to illustrate the point. It throws a lot of light of why we do what we do -- or, to me, why I do what I do.
Since I was a kindergartener, I have had more than enough encounters with men who rendered me uninvited, unwanted attention. I was bullied a lot in school when I was little. I worked in an abusive work environment. Feeling uncertain about what had transpired, and feeling uncertain about myself as a young person, when faced with such intense situations, my first reaction was always to question myself: "Is it really what I thought it was? What did I do? Have I done anything wrong? Did I do anything to bring it upon myself??" I was more frozen than frozen.
One may think: As an educated, intelligent grown woman armed with so much life experience, I should be much better prepared to deal with these situations now. But the truth is: when the unthinkable happens, I still can freeze in disbelief. By the time I can gather myself to respond rationally, it is too late. Like before, I kick myself for not having responded more strongly. "At least throw out a good comeback line!" Why can't I? It is just because I am human. As the scientists on the show explained, having had previous experiences does not give you immunity for future incidents. It is just the way our brains work. I, personally, can testify to that fact.
The one blessing in my life is that I practice Aikido. In Aikido, we basically use the approach of "desensitization" to gradually accustom people to dealing with intense situations. With time, people are so used to watching punches and hits fly by without blinking an eye. They learn to stay calm so that they can pull off their moves swiftly.
Not all intense situations involves physical violence and call for Aikido techniques, but we can all definitely use a calm, rational mind for calling up our best responses at times of need.
Thanks to Aikido, I don't freeze as often or as easily. Even if I become frozen, I thaw much more readily. Want to learn to protect yourself better? Make a new year resolution: Try Aikido!
Listen to Hidden Brain [In The Heat Of The Moment]
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