Fifty Shades Of White
I had an interesting interaction with an Aikido student lately that illustrated a very common human behavior.
After watching the nage shove the uke around for a while and going no where, I decided it was time to intervene. I offered to be the attacker, hoping to help the nage make adjustments from the other side. Just like the original uke, I was muscled left and right.
"Focus on your own movement. Don't push into me. Avoid trying to do things to your partner." I kept reminding the nage.
"I think I am already doing what I was told. I am not trying to do anything to you," protested the nage. The forceful movements had not proven to be very effective on me. She pushed so hard that I staggered off the mat to dissipate the force. The face of the nage got redder and redder. It looked like she was ready to cry.
To make a quantum leap in Aikido is very much like pushing a giant ball uphill. You have to keep pushing till you reach level ground for the ball to rest, or the ball may roll back down and you have to start all over again. My job as an instructor is to push the ball along side with my students every day till they make a breakthrough. At critical moments like this, however, emotionally tend to run high. You have to take the chance that someone may have an emotional breakdown. I can see the nage is very frustrated. Given her personality, however, I took the leap of faith and decided to push a bit further. Sometimes, that extra little bit is what determines make or break . . .
Sure enough, persistence and resilience prevailed. The nage finally learnt what that movement was about and was able to do it without brute forcing. She was elated.
After class, I had a chat with the nage. I asked how it felt, now that she had a better understanding of what I was trying to convey. "Remember? At the time, you were very certain that you were not using force and you were not trying to do anything to me," I teased. "Oh, looking back, I definitely was using force and I was trying to do something to you, " the nage chuckled. "It is like I could see different shades of white. But when someone tells me about black, I don't know what they are talking about . . . until I finally see black. I didn't even know black existed!"
Yeah, that is what it often feels like in Aikido, and in life, in general. There is a whole lot more that you do not know existed.
What the nage did is a common behavior we all exhibit.
We have our own notion about things. When someone comes along to challenge our beliefs, it is easy to immediately jump to defending what we think we know, and start kicking and screaming. I never accused the nage of not doing what she saw. I was just trying to tell her that what she did was not what we showed. Instead of opening up to find out from me what is amiss, however, she seemed to be more interested in arguing about the validity of what she did. How does that help one improve?
When someone comes to you to help you see a bigger picture, stepping forward with clenched fists to stand your ground does not help you grow. Instead, calm down and take a step back. The new position may offer you a wider view of the big picture you are trying to see.
Always remember:
By definition, you cannot listen when you talk.
Be patient. Don't be so quick to say "I got it." The demonstration is not over yet.
You never know what else someone has to show you. It is presumptuous to think you can see as much as the other person can, particularly if that is your instructor.
After watching the nage shove the uke around for a while and going no where, I decided it was time to intervene. I offered to be the attacker, hoping to help the nage make adjustments from the other side. Just like the original uke, I was muscled left and right.
"Focus on your own movement. Don't push into me. Avoid trying to do things to your partner." I kept reminding the nage.
"I think I am already doing what I was told. I am not trying to do anything to you," protested the nage. The forceful movements had not proven to be very effective on me. She pushed so hard that I staggered off the mat to dissipate the force. The face of the nage got redder and redder. It looked like she was ready to cry.
To make a quantum leap in Aikido is very much like pushing a giant ball uphill. You have to keep pushing till you reach level ground for the ball to rest, or the ball may roll back down and you have to start all over again. My job as an instructor is to push the ball along side with my students every day till they make a breakthrough. At critical moments like this, however, emotionally tend to run high. You have to take the chance that someone may have an emotional breakdown. I can see the nage is very frustrated. Given her personality, however, I took the leap of faith and decided to push a bit further. Sometimes, that extra little bit is what determines make or break . . .
Sure enough, persistence and resilience prevailed. The nage finally learnt what that movement was about and was able to do it without brute forcing. She was elated.
After class, I had a chat with the nage. I asked how it felt, now that she had a better understanding of what I was trying to convey. "Remember? At the time, you were very certain that you were not using force and you were not trying to do anything to me," I teased. "Oh, looking back, I definitely was using force and I was trying to do something to you, " the nage chuckled. "It is like I could see different shades of white. But when someone tells me about black, I don't know what they are talking about . . . until I finally see black. I didn't even know black existed!"
Yeah, that is what it often feels like in Aikido, and in life, in general. There is a whole lot more that you do not know existed.
What the nage did is a common behavior we all exhibit.
We have our own notion about things. When someone comes along to challenge our beliefs, it is easy to immediately jump to defending what we think we know, and start kicking and screaming. I never accused the nage of not doing what she saw. I was just trying to tell her that what she did was not what we showed. Instead of opening up to find out from me what is amiss, however, she seemed to be more interested in arguing about the validity of what she did. How does that help one improve?
When someone comes to you to help you see a bigger picture, stepping forward with clenched fists to stand your ground does not help you grow. Instead, calm down and take a step back. The new position may offer you a wider view of the big picture you are trying to see.
Always remember:
By definition, you cannot listen when you talk.
Be patient. Don't be so quick to say "I got it." The demonstration is not over yet.
You never know what else someone has to show you. It is presumptuous to think you can see as much as the other person can, particularly if that is your instructor.
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