"Why Don't You Understand?"

If you think learning Aikido is hard, try teaching it.  

Increasingly, I understand why Takeguchi Sensei assigned us to lead classes after we got to shodan, so that we learn from a different perspective.  

I have the fortune to have some wonderful sempais from whom I learn, and with whom I can share thoughts.  Greg Angus, the chief instructor of Naka Ima Dojo in Toronto is one of them.

One time, we talked about the many challenges of being an instructor.  Just like everybody else, Aikido instructors have good days and bad days.  By the time the evening comes, you try to show something you think is pretty straightforward in class.  Somehow, nobody seems to hear you or see what you are doing, regardless of how you explain or show it.  It can really blow your cap.

Greg is a loving and mild-tempered person.  Yet, even the gentle giant admitted that he has caught himself losing his temper in class.  As soon as he realized that, he reminded himself that students travel across town after a long day of work just to come to learn from him.  They do not come here for this.  

Once you have mastered something, everything about it seems so obvious.  But for those who have not learnt it yet, it can seem like an enigma.  It is not like students are not trying.  They are already doing their best.  They just have not gotten there yet.

"I feel pretty bad about myself when I lose my temper.  I try to keep my cool, but not always successful.  Sometimes I kick myself for that.  Having said that, think of the fact that even sensei gets mad when he is teaching us.  We are talking about a selected group of senior students who are, themselves, instructors.  'Why don't you understand?' Sensei would say.  Sometimes he smacks us on the hand or on the back.  If even a senior shihan can lose his temper once in a while, maybe I could excuse myself for being human.  I am still learning." 

So am I.  I am learning, too.  Please forgive me and be patient with me, my dear students.  I am trying my best.