What Do You Know?

During the COVID 19 lockdown, many people choose to take frequent walks in the neighborhood to relieve themselves of cabin fever.  Neighbors who normally are out at different corners of town during the day, all of a sudden, find each other on our street.

Steve, who lives several houses away, waved at me from the sidewalk.  "I really enjoyed your azaleas in spring.  I have never seen azaleas with such flowers!  What cultivar is that?" he asked.  "Oh, it is an Encore azalea.  Unlike the traditional type, these azaleas bloom twice in a season."  Talking about plants.  Ha.  I can talk about plants for hours.  You'd better be careful.  

Sure enough, Steve and I talked and talked for a long time.  "By the way, do you have kids?" he asked.  "No.  It didn't happen." I replied.  

"Oh.  You don't have kids either," he sighed.  "I and my wife really wanted to have children, but we are not lucky enough."  He looked away and stared into space.  "We miscarried many times.  For my wife's health, we finally gave up.  How I wish . . . "  His voice had gotten so low that it was hard to hear the rest of his sentence.  I could not see Steve's face, but the sense of loss and sadness was almost tangible.

I have known Steve for years, but had never really talked to him.  I did not expect that our chat about plants would lead to such a personal subject.

Some people who are parents label childless people as "selfish".  "What do you know?!  You don't have kids!" they like to say, as if having children magically turns people into Mr and Mrs Know-It-All.  This is one of the pet peeves of my friend, Helen, who also has no children.  

"What do I know?  I'll tell you what I know if you are willing to shut up and listen." She, definitely, is not having it.  "Having children only requires sexual maturity, not mental maturity.  I am an intelligent and observant adult.  Must I personally experience everything before I develop insights?  Do you need to get hit by a car before you know it hurts?"

"Some people choose to not have children for their own reasons.  Some couples want to have children, but can't.  Must people explain themselves to you?  Everybody has their own issues and circumstances of which you are not aware.  Despite how nosy you have been, you don't know everything about them.  Stop being judgmental.  Why is it your business, anyways?"