The Fall

Many older Americans say they remember exactly what they were doing when they learnt that John F. Kennedy was assassinated.  Similarly, many of us remember vividly what we were doing on September 11, 2001.

I was in Tucson, Arizona as a spousal member at a conference organized by Mike's employer at a fancy hotel resort.  Mike got up early and went downstairs to prepare for the programs for the day.  Suddenly, he came back to our room, turned on the light and the TV.  He shook me vigorously and said, "Wake up!  The Twin Towers are under attack!" 

"What is that about?'  With my groggy eyes, I saw the image of a plane crashing into the World Trade Center.  Is that some dramatic scene out of Bruce Willis' Die Hard movies?  I was a bit annoyed because I really thought it was just a silly movie.  It was too surreal.

Needless to say, all the programs for the rest of the conference was cancelled.  Everybody was in panic mode.  People started trying to make plans of going home, but all planes were grounded.  I could not remember how I hooked up with some scientists from Missouri who came to accept awards for their work in relocating some rare frogs during a highway construction project.  I went with them to the train station to check about Amtrak availability, but no luck.  

Pretty much everything was closed in town.  There was nothing we could do and there was not much to do.  But then, we found out the Desert Museum was, somehow, open.  How often do you get to visit a museum filled with living desert animals, flora and fauna with scientists who can explain to you pretty much about everything about the exhibits?  I hate to admit it: I had a great time hanging out with those scientists that day.  

People scrambled to find ways to go home.  Some of Mike's coworkers even bought a brand new car to drive all the way from Tucson back to DC.  It took days before we finally landed some seats on a plane.  Ironically, as the nation was struggling to hold itself together, we were stuck in a five-star hotel resort, eating fancy blue corn pancakes with prickly pear syrup for breakfast every morning, and enjoying fancy meals every day on the company's tab . . . 

For years, my strange experience on the very day of September 11 made it very hard for me to make sense of the reality.  There was a big disconnect between my head and my heart.  And then we visited the 9/11 Memorial in NYC.

The memorial was not totally complete at that point.  But, there was already a display of the gnarly steel beams that were recovered from the site around a garden.  "The heat must have been immense," I remember thinking to myself.  It was hard to wrap my head around what it had to be like being inside the building at the time.  And then, we arrived at the actual memorial.

Unlike most memorials I have seen, the 9/11 memorial is not a structure above ground.  It is a multi-level pit made of black stones.  Water flows from the surrounding into the pit and keeps falling . . . until it cannot be seen anymore.  

Some tourists next to me said, "Geez, it is just water falling into a hole!" and they walked away.  Something about this pit was mesmerizing to me.  I found my feet stuck to the ground, and my eyes were glued to the water that disappeared into this bottomless darkness.

Before I knew it, tears came down my face.  I started crying uncontrollably.  I do not know any of the victims personally.  Neither do I know any first responders or anyone who has a personal tie to the incident.  Yet, the endless fall and the bottomless darkness touched something inside.  It made a connection for me . . . 

On this very day, I reflect on the state we are in as a nation.  

Nineteen years ago today, we came together as a country.  The whole world was standing with us.  Nineteen years later, we are a severely divided, unsettled country plagued by racial inequality and police brutality.  We are isolated in the world community as Trump chooses to sever ties with allies, but tries to chummy up with authoritarians.  As COVID 19 remains out of control, the poor are becoming poorer as the wealthy and powerful continue to enrich themselves.  Two hundred and forty four years after the declaration of independence, the country is facing the uncertainty of whether we can conduct a legitimate free and fair election without foreign interference and domestic political manipulation.

The passengers on flight 93 fought the hijackers and made the ultimate sacrifice as they protected our country.  We should not let them die in vain.  What do we do to prevent the country from descending into a bottomless dark abyss?

Watch [Bette Midler -- Wind Beneath My Wings at Yankee Stadium 2001]