Happily Ever After

A friend told me that she was leaving DC.  

"Why?  Where are you going?" I asked.  It was kind of sudden.  

 "I am going to Hawaii," she said, "I want to learn how to surf.  It's on my bucket list."

Quitting her job, selling everything and dropping everything she had going on in order to learn surfing?  I didn't know she liked surfing that much.  

"Plus, I am too heartbroken to stay here," she lowered her voice.  🥺

As I suspected, there was more to the story.

My friend had been seeing someone for a while.  They had been having some differences in opinions.  He really wanted to work things out, but she decided they should go their separate ways.

"He has been asking me to stay.  But what is the point?  I really don't want to have to endure this.  It is too much for me.  After Hawaii, I will go home to see my mom.  I need to fix our old family home.  I would perhaps see my daughter as well."  She laid out her plans.

Wait a minute: I never knew my friend has a daughter!  

"Yeah, I have a daughter from a previous marriage.  It was just a very brief marriage.  She is an adult now.  You know, my ex and I fought a lot.  I figured that it was just not meant to be.  If we were right for each other, we would have never fought like that.  So, I filed for divorce.  I left my daughter to my mom while I left the country for a fresh start."  

"You both must be rather young at the time.  Did you try to work it out?"

"We were so smitten at first, but it did not take long for the arguments to start.  It is just not the way it is supposed to be.  After that, I have been involved with a few other men.  But then, the good days never last long.  It was repeat after a repeat.  I had my hopes so high when I met this friend of mine.  Unfortunately, it is following the same fate.  I am so devastated.  I can't stay here any longer . . . "  😣

"Hold on, hold on.  Please don't tell me that every time you started having arguments with your boyfriends, you just break up with them and run away.  Which couple does not fight?  How can you expect two people from different backgrounds and upbringings to not have differences?  This is absolutely normal!  A relationship takes a lot of work.  It involves a lot of compromise and a lot of maintenance work." 

"Oh, come on!  Are you just trying to talk me into staying?  I am an adult.  I know what I am doing.  Look at you and your husband!  You guys are so happy together.  You do not argue.  Just like other happy couples that I know, you get along so well.  It is just not the case for us.  I am not lucky like you."  😢

I was stunned.  😳

"Excuse me.  Let me ask you a question:  Did you and your ex, or your boyfriends fight in front of your friends and family?"  

"No, but behind the scenes, we fought all the time.  That is the problem."  😔

"Well, you know what?  Just like you, other couples don't usually fight in front of their friends and family.  This is not what most people do.  And so you think everybody else is like fish in water, or bees with honey kind of happily ever after?  For real?"  

"You mean you guys DO fight?  Really?"   😦

"Yeah, of course, we do!  All normal couples do.  What do you expect?  You have watched too many Disney movies or chick flicks.  Those are simply not real!"  🤯

"Really?"  My friend seemed truly surprised.  So am I, but in a very different way.  "But it is too late now.  I can't stay here anymore."  She let out a sigh.

I wonder how many people out there think the way she thinks.  How many people harbor this kind of unrealistic vision and expectations about relationships like she does?  Is this why we have such a high divorce rate??

That was the last time I heard from my friend.  She is a very strong and capable business woman.  I know she did go to Hawaii.  And she did learn how to surf real well.  What I want to know more is whether she has learnt how a real life relationship actually works, but I guess I may never find out.