The Lucky One

What kinds of tracks and traces does a person leave behind after we die?

After Mama's death, we have been working really hard to sort through her belongings in the hopes of vacating her apartment as soon as possible.  While the work is totally necessary, emotionally, I find the process extremely difficult because it feels like we started dismantling her life almost as soon as she was gone.  The evidence of her existence diminishes as her belongings leave the apartment one by one . . .

In the hallway of the senior apartment complex, quite a few of Mama's neighbors stopped me to talk.  It is bittersweet to listen to her friends speak fondly of their time together.  I got to meet her swimming buddies.  Also met some friends who ate dinner with her on a regular basis.  Bits and pieces of sweet memories about her infused the air.

One afternoon, after I delivered Mama's walker to one of her friends, a couple of old ladies waved me down.

OL1:  I see you have been really busy getting your mom's stuff out of here.  You make me wonder: Where do my things go when I die?  What do you do with your mom's belongings?

Me:  For things that we can use, we distribute them among family members.  Other things, we gift them away or donate them to charity.

OL2:  Oh, your mom had many nice things and clothes!  You just give them away?  Why don't you take them home and wear the clothes yourself?

Me:  (Can't help chuckling.)  I did take a few shirts, but how old is she and how old am I?  Plus, I have plenty of clothes myself.  I already have a home and I am happy with what I have.  

OL2:  But those fancy things must have cost a fortune . . . 

Me:  I have been living contently for decades without her stuff.  Why do you think I suddenly need Mom's things in order to live on?  To the contrary. many people do not even have any decent, working furniture for their homes.  There are also people who are stuck where they are because they don't even have any proper-looking clothes for an interview.  They are just a set of clothes away from a decent job.  Don't you think it is a better idea to help them out by letting them have the clothes that mom does not need anymore?

OL2:  Really?  Is there such a thing?  I never thought about that.  So, you mean the nice clothes may help people land a good job and lift them out of poverty?  That sounds like a wonderful idea!

OL1:  From now on, I need to be more mindful about what I bring into my apartment.  I have only one daughter.  After I die, she will be the one to take care of everything.  If I bring one more thing into this place, it means she has one more thing to move out of here.  I really don't want to do that to her . . . 

I waved goodbye to Mama's friends so I could continue to spread her love by giving more of her things to people who can use them.

I told our friend, Iris, the story and she nodded her head.  She can totally resonate in what we are going through because she had dealt with her mother and stepfather's things before.  

Her one big piece of advice to those of us who are getting older:  "Destroy all your old love letters and potentially embarrassing things sooner than later. You really don't want someone to go through them after your death."