I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

Modern parents are very willing to spend money on their children -- even more than they are willing to spend on themselves.  They want the best for their children, including the best activities to cultivate the young souls.  Martial arts is a hot item.  It has become a cash cow industry.  We receive A LOT OF emails and phone calls asking about kids classes.

"I am looking for martial arts classes for my son.  He is three years old."  The enthusiastic voice of a young lady came from the other end.

Some of the children I know could not even run steadily at the age of three.  Yet, this mother is already thinking about sending her child to a martial art class.  Wow!

"Three years old is kinda young, you know.  He may not have the attention span yet.  Also, if a bigger kid falls on top of him, he can get really hurt."  I tried to offer her perspective.  "But most importantly, our dojo only teaches adults.  Sorry."

"Really?  Oh!" she sounded a bit disappointed.  "Do you know of a good place that may take him?"  I told her about our teacher's dojo.  But, still, the minimum age is five.

"So, do you teach Karate?  Or is it Taekwondo?" Young Mama asked.  

I chuckled, "It's actually neither Karate nor Taekwondo.  We only offer Aikido.  What are you looking for?"

"Um, um, I am looking for martial arts," she muttered.  I was surprised she did not mention Kung Fu, another all-time favorite of inquiring parents.

"By the way, what is Aikido?" she asked.  Obviously, just like many parents before her, she had no idea who she was calling.  To them, martial art is a thing and it is supposed to be kind of self explanatory.  No?

I gave her a brief description about Aikido.  "Many people have never heard of Aikido because there is no tournament.  It is not an Olympic event.  Your child can never become an Aikido champion because there is no such thing.  We don't practice for trophies.  We train for self advancement and personal growth.  The prize we seek is within ourselves.  You don't get to put it on the shelf."  

Young Mama was intrigued.  "Really?  I have never heard of such a thing."  She was polite and spoke with a soft and gentle voice.  I thought, maybe, I should try to help her.  

"Tell me: why do you want to send your child to a martial arts class?  What are you hoping to get out of it?"  

" . . . "

"You mentioned Karate and Taekwondo.  Have you ever seen a martial art class?  Do you know what they have students do?" 

" . . . "

"Before I started Aikido, I actually practiced Karate in college.  I was always fascinated by the idea of martial arts.  It was the only martial arts class we had, so I joined without thinking.  We learnt to punch, block and practice kata.  It was fun for a while until our instructor started telling us to spar."  I recounted.

"What does that mean?" Young Mama asked.

"To put it simply, we fight one on one.  We punch and kick each other for points.  During competitions, we had to fight and see who takes down the other person first . . . "

"NO!!!  I don't want my son to do that.  That is not what I want for him!" Young Mama got a little  emotional.

"So, what do you want for him?" I asked.  I really hope my questions could help clarify her thoughts.

"I just want him to become a strong person.  I want him to be able to protect himself." Young Mama was almost whispering.

"I understand.  I grew up in a tough neighborhood.  I fought bullies in elementary school pretty much every day." I let out a sigh.  "There are many ways of protecting oneself.  Of course, you can defend yourself by taking down the other person.  But, there are other ways of dissolving the situation so that you emerge unharmed.  Just because you are feel threatened and thus the other person has to go down is how we ended up with the Black Lives Matter movement.  Do you agree with such approach?"

Young Mama was very quiet.

"I do not believe that some lives are intrinsicaly more valuable than others.  The moment you get into a fight, someone is going to get hurt.  If I lose, my mom is going to be very sad; if the other person loses, you think his mom is not going to cry?  That's why we teach Aikido.  We teach our students the skills, but we also teach them to not fight.  For the world to become a better place, we need to stop this nonsense of constant fighting."

I was grateful that Young Mama was still listening.

"Do me a favor: before you call another place, please spend a little time to think about what you want for your child.  What kind of person do you want him to become?  What kind of environment do you want him to be in?  Do some research to educate yourself.  Don't just pay some money, drop off your child and walk away.  Ask the school to let you observe a class.  A good school should allow you to do that."

"Thank you for taking the time to talk to me and for all the valuable information.  I think I really need to do more research about this.  I didn't know much before I picked up the phone." Young Mama said in a contemplative voice.

An apparently simple task of looking for a fun, martial arts class suddenly got turned into a bunch of tough, philosophical questions.  I am not sure if my "valuable information" was helpful for this young mother.  If not, Young Mama, I am sorry.  I wish you the best of luck with your search.