David And Goliath

Our recent grading went quite well.  All the students successfully passed their exams.

One student came to me afterwards to ask for comments and advice.  In the passing, she asked, "When you have a much bigger and stronger partner, as an attacker, what do you do?"  

I was a little perplexed by the question at first.  "What do I do?  I am the attacker!  So, I just attack them." I thought.  But I figured it probably was not so straightforward to her.  "Can you explain your question some more?  What do you mean?"  I asked.

"They are so much taller and bigger.  How do I even really hit them?" she said.

"Oh, that's easy." I pulled out my sweat towel from my gi and squatted down to half her height.  "I am now your attacker.  Let's see what I can do." 

I started whacking at her ferociously with my little towel.  Shomen, yokomen, tsuki, . . .  "Yeah, I am really short and small, but it does not stop me from hitting you.  A pebble may not be able to take out a mountain in one shot, but nothing prevents it from trying repeatedly just because of its size.  It would be very different if I try to do this, though . . ." As I was speaking, I rolled my towel into a ball and proceeded to shoving her with it.  She did not budge a bit.  "See?  I can't push and wrestle against you with my limited might."  

"Ahhh!" my students looked at me with her eyes wide open.  "An attacker just attacks.  I don't care how big and strong my partner is.  It is not a competition of strength or size.  I am just doing whatever I can.  Their size is irrelevant to me."  I got back up as my beloved student greeted me with a big smile and a nod.

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During tai-sabaki (body movement) exercise in class, our dojo teen was stuck as a dojo member who is double his age (and possibly double his size as well) was holding onto his wrist.  Seeing his body language from afar, I knew it was time for me to go to his rescue.

I chuckled, "It must be intimidating to have a much bigger boy holding onto your wrist so tightly."  He nodded.  

"Since your mind is here at your held wrist, all of you is stuck in place.  Your partner only got your wrist, but you surrendered all of yourself to him."  

On our teen's face, I saw the familiar "Yeah, so, what do I do now?" look.

I pointed at his two wrists:  "This wrist is already being held by your partner.  It is like a guy in jail.  But, see?  You have another wrist that is free.  If you want to be free, who should you follow: the guy in jail or the free man?  Why do you want to be stuck in the dungeon together with the prisoner?  Shouldn't you follow the guy who is free and run together?"  Both boys laughed and nodded.  

Now looking at and following his free hand, our teen moved towards a different direction.  Despite his strong grip, even a big grown man could not hold down a skinny teenager.

********

It is so easy to be overwhelmed by other people's strength, particularly when it coincides with our own weakness.  It is also common for people to overlook their own strength because, "Well, if even I can do it, it must not be special."  Somehow, strengths that others possess but we don't have are more impressive and significant; weaknesses that we have are always more serious and unforgivable.  Hmm.

We come to Aikido to learn about ourselves -- both the strengths and weaknesses.  Whatever strengths you have, be aware of them, acknowledge them, grow them, use them.  It is always useful to learn about our weaknesses, too.  Avoid fighting against someone's strength with your weakness.  Some weaknesses can be improved or even eliminated.  If you are motivated enough, if it matters enough to you, work on it.  It beats feeling insecure inside, and having to busily mask it day and night.  

Read: [David And Goliath: The Art of Turning All Weaknesses Into Strengths]

At the mean time, learn to accept and embrace yourself -- all the strengths and weaknesses as one nice, big package.  We are all a work-in-progress.  Be the best you can be at every moment.  Before you can love anybody and for anybody to truly love you, you need to love yourself first.