Yes. Please. Thank you.

"You don't want it anymore?"

Many times, when I offer people some of my food, this is the line they say to me.

"I am enjoying my food.  I am offering it to you because I think you may enjoy it, too.  Am I the type to only offer you things that I do not want anymore?"  While I chuckle at their response, it makes me wonder if people are trying to tell me something about me . . .  😆

Mama liked having sharp knives in her kitchen.  In the past, when we went to Michigan to visit, she would request that I bring my knife-sharpening tools to touch up her knives.  I was always happy to comply.  Along the way, we were to stop to visit some friends.  I asked if our friend wanted to take the opportunity to have her knives sharpened as well.

"Why are you bringing your stones to Michigan?  Are you sure you want to do this?  I don't want you to have to do the work." she said.  While I appreciate my friend's politeness and consideration for me, it is a gift I am offering to her.  If I am not willing or able to do it, why would I even bring it up?

Not all people are so reserved when they see you have things of value, though.  "If you want to get rid of it, I will take it off your hands", they say without blushing.  Wo, wo, wo!  So, you mean you are doing me a favor by taking my things from me?  FYI, what I have is not trash that I need to throw away.  Geez, should I need to turn around and thank you for your kind help???

Some of my favorite people are my brother, CK and his spouse.  They are very straight forward and honest with their answers.  When I asked CK if he would like me to make him some clothes, for example, he happily said, "Yes, I'd love that.  Thank you."  When I offer something they are not interested, they are not shy to tell me the truth either, "No, thank you.  We do not need it."  No ambiguity ever.  No need to guess around.  It makes life so much easier.

For many years, my mother had been doing the same dance when her children try to invite her to go out:  "Don't you have to spend time with your wife and kids?"  "I have leftovers in the fridge that I can eat."  "I already have set some rice to cook for dinner."  We, her children, only want to spend some time with her, but it feels like we have to wrestle with her forever.

I finally had a talk with her on this matter. 

"Mom, do you understand that it is a pleasure for your kids to spend time with you?  But you make it so difficult." I told her very honestly.  "Oh, but I do not want to trouble you all, you know.  I can take care of myself." she said in her usual very mother-like manner.  

"I understand you are trying to be considerate, but it actually does not make things easier for us at all.  Tell me: do you enjoy seeing your kids and grandkids?"  She nodded.  "So, if they want to see you, too, why can't you just say yes and go meet them?"

She became very quiet like she was in some deep thoughts.  Maybe, in her mind, she never thought things could be just that simple.

"Do me a favor, Mother: next time when your kids ask you out, just say 'Sure!' and let them come pick you up.  Whatever you have cooking in the kitchen, just turn it off and put it back into the fridge.  Eat it later.  Life is short.  Enjoy what is in front of you.  Leftovers can wait."

"Is that so?  I don't want to be intrusive or greedy." my mother said with a nervous laugh.

"Yes, trust me.  When people happily make you an offer, show your appreciation by accepting it and make it a delightful experience for everybody.  While it is good to be courteous, being needlessly, overly polite, you can end up being high-maintenance.  The two are just a sliver apart.  You want people to be nice to you?  Help them by making it simple, easy and pleasant.  If the process is too hard, people get tired.  They may be so discouraged that they will not try again.  Don't you cry when nobody knocks on your door."