When The Time Is Right

Aikido is known to be a magnet for over-educated overthinkers.  In this sense, Capitol Hill Aikikai is a rather typical dojo because we do have a good share of well educated overthinkers.

This evening, I was watching the students during weapons class.  A young lady was struggling during a paired exercise.  The original movement is rather straight forward.  At her level, it should be something within her capabilities.  Unfortunately, she had had a long day, and she was overthinking so much that things became convoluted.  What she had in her head was not doable.  

I tried showing her the move over and over, but my help was no help.  The more I tried to correct her, the more wired up she became.  Finally, she stopped and said to me, "I'm sorry.  I already did my best.  I just can't do it."  

I looked at my student in the eyes: Her eyes were all red.  She was so emotionally beaten up. 

What have I done to her???

"No, don't you be sorry.  I am sorry."  I apologized to my beloved student.  "I am not upset at you at all.  Actually, I am upset at me.  I am annoyed at myself, not you.  You know, I saw that look in your eyes.  I know that look, because I used to be like that.  You kick yourself so hard.  It does not have to be that way.  I thought I could help you, but I couldn't.  I am really sorry.  I wish I were a better teacher.

Remember we have been telling you:  'You cannot make things happen; you let things happen'?  You were trying too hard to make things happen, and it did not work.  As I saw you struggle like that, I tried to change you.  But I cannot change you.  The flower will bloom when the time is right.  I was trying to make things happen.  So, apparently, I haven't really learned the lesson myself!  Please forgive me.  Let's keep learning together."

Practice resumed.  She still could not get it quite right, but, at this point, neither she nor I cared.  When the time is right, the flower will bloom.  I know she is a flowering plant.  We can wait.

My tap teacher, Mr Baakari Wilder says, "Students -- Please do not mistake my passion for anger.  Also, a huge amount of energy is expelled when a teacher cares." 

Indeed, a lot of very good teachers I know can sound and look angry when they are eager to pass their knowledge onto their students.  Some, however, in the name of teaching, yell at or even beat their students.  If I can help it, I'd rather not subject my students to unnecessary trauma.  They do not come here for this.  Learning Aikido is already hard enough.

Students -- Instructors are not perfect.  We are mortals who do not know everything.  We are learning and trying to improve ourselves just like you are.  I will continue to emulate my teachers and be the best teacher I can for you.  In addition, I will work on being a more patient gardener so that you may bloom in your own time and display in your best light.