This

Many Aikido students have experienced this.  I have experienced it, too.  It is confusing, annoying and frustrating.  

"What else can I do?"  We all ask ourselves.

Recently, I witnessed this play out between two students on the mat . . .

A new student paired up with a mid-kyu student. Newbie is much bigger, taller and physically stronger than Sempai.  

As uke, Newbie was very hesitant to get close to Sempai to attack.  When Sempai tried to do a technique, Newbie would react frantically and forcefully.  He would do anything to resist taking ukemi.  Falling down was totally out of the question.  

Even a mid-kyu student can tell Newbie's behavior is indicative of great fear.  As Sempai later recounted, "He was acting like a cornered dog!"

Being a really nice and kind person, Sempai tried to accommodate her partner's emotional needs by backing off so that they would not clash.  Yet, nothing she knew how to do was able to calm Newbie's nerves.  Practicing with him had proven to be extremely challenging.  

After practice, I had a conversation with Sempai about the encounter.  

"Endo Sensei and Takeguchi Sensei both talked about the Concept of Ten:  Depending on how strong your partner comes at you, you adjust yourself, so that the sum of the two parties comes to a total of 10.  Remember?" I asked.

Sempai, looking all troubled, nodded.  "I remember.  My partner was pushing back at me really hard.  That was why I backed off.  But it didn't work."

"Yes, I saw what happened.  And it feels like he is on top of you all the time, and there is nothing you can do, right?" I tried to express my empathy.

"Yes, yes, indeed!" Sempai's eyes lit up.  "But you threw him.  How did you do that?  What did I do wrong?"

I smiled as I shook my head.  "You actually did very well in applying the concept, except for you only applied it in one single dimension."  

"Oh?  What other dimension do I have?"  Sempai was intrigued.

I have to admit:  I really love helping students reflect and analyze after practice.  

"On a scale of 10, I think it is fair to say that your partner was physically giving you an 8, no?"

Sempai nodded.

"So, to make a perfect 10, you correctly put in a 2.  But, Aikido is not only about strength.  You need to also take into account his mental state.  Given how scared your partner was, how would you rate his mental extension on a scale of 10?"  

"Hmm, maybe a 2?" Sempai answered tentatively.

"I agree!  He was so afraid.  Even though he was shoving you at an 8, his mind was at a 1 or at most a 2.  Your problems was that you allowed your mental extension to shrink as you lightened up your moves.  You should have kept your mind at an 8 while you offer him a very gentle touch at 2.  This way, you would have your perfect 10 at both fronts.  And THAT was how I threw him."

🤯

😊