The Antidote
Coincidentally, he has been having a hard time at Aikido practice. He seems to always run into problematic partners. They are either too tall or too short. Other times, too strong or too fragile. They are hard to practice with and never respond the way he wants.
There was once a time when I got stuck with my partners a lot. I did everything I knew, but nothing seemed to work. I was almost certain that my partners were messing with me by resisting. After trying enough times, I raised my hand to get help from Sensei. I really wanted him to straighten out my partner for me. After all, Aikido practice should not be a contest of strength. Why are people engaging in such behavior to give me a difficult time?
Sensei came over and asked what the problem was. I presented to him my situation and asked him to show me how he would do it. He did. However, unlike me, he just went through the set of movements effortlessly.
"So, it is just like this. What is the problem?" Sensei said. I looked at him. I didn't know what to say. Obviously, it was not that easy for me. My partner suddenly became so easygoing. I swear that he was not that cooperative when working with me. He was stiff and resistant. I was certain that he was just playing nice because it was Sensei doing it.
I looked at the two of them. I felt humiliated. I was angry. It was my partner's fault. Yet, they looked at me as if I were a fool. It was so unfair . . .
As I watch my student practice, I witness him go through a similar situation at a similar stage of the Aikido journey. I saw the same look that I once had in his eyes. I said the same words that my teacher once said to me. I wonder if there were better words that I could say to him.
Looking back, I just did not understand that my partner was not a constant. He responded to Sensei one way and to me another way not because he was favoring Sensei over me. It was simply because Sensei and I were not doing the same thing. A different action naturally yields a different reaction. Can you blame the uke?
It did not occur to me that my partner responded in a stiff, resistant manner because I gave him an action that triggered that kind of reaction. I thought it was all his fault. I was a good student. Given I already did my best to reproduce what I thought I saw Sensei did, how could I be wrong? I could not see the role I played, despite the fact that I was, actually, the instigator of the situation.
Everybody was putting up with me. I just could not see it.
I feel sorry for my student's struggles. I wish there were an antidote to youthful self-righteousness.
Honestly, is there such a thing, aside from age?
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