The Gospel

Everybody has their kryptonite.  I am no exception.  Mine is migraine.  One moment I am happy and bubbly; the next, I am down and not responsive.  It is almost like magic -- but the dark and miserable kind. 

If you or someone you love suffers also from migraines, my experience may offer some good news in migraine self care.

If you are a martial art practitioner, my story may offer some insights on Aikido vs Taichi, with respect to mindfulness and self management.

Even if you are not interested in martial arts and are free from migraines, you may get a glimpse of why migraine is such debilitating condition and how you can help someone who suffers from migraine attacks.

Last month, on our way to the airport for a vacation in Madrid, out of the blue, I started to feel that migraines were looming.  

The Metro ride to the airport takes about an hour.  After that, I still have to go through security and wait for the plane at the gate.  Not to mention, there is an eight-hour flight across the Atlantic Ocean.  How am I to endure the travel if I come down with migraines?  I don't want to go home and cancel the trip.  I have to do something . . . 

To start, I took a nausea pill because, I know, once I start throwing up, everything will go downhill very quickly.  Like most migraine sufferers, I became very sensitive to light and noises.  I did not waste time to put on my noise-canceling headphones to reduce unwanted external stimuli.  

Another common migraine symptom is that one's ability to regulate body temperature diminishes.  While my core body temperature quickly rises up, my extremities turn icy cold.  It is very, very bipolar.  In the past, I thought it would be prudent to keep myself warm as I started feeling sick.  Unfortunately, that response tends to backfire.  I have come to learn that, as the core becomes too hot, the body would try to cool it down by throwing off heat.  Trapping the heat with a jacket or blankets actually encourages the body to throw off even more heat and exacerbate the situation.  The better approach is to help the body cool off, even if it makes you feel cold and vulnerable.  At home, I would put an ice pack on my neck to cool off the blood that is going to my brain as well.

Since I was on the Metro, I took off my jacket and fanned myself to vent the heat.  Unfortunately, I still was unable to stop the stubborn migraine from progressing.  

The only thing left in my tool bag now was to apply my mental Aikido to keep myself safe.  I wrung out my last drops of energy to keep a keen eye on the migraine symptoms while staying physically comfortable as much as possible.

Nonetheless, my Aikido could not save me.

As I was about to fall into despair, I thought I heard the calm, even-toned voice of our Taichi teacher in my head.  "Just relax and do the best that you can," he says.

Given my usual triggers are physical stress, my teacher's voice made me wonder maybe I should try the relaxation exercises that we do at the beginning of each Taichi class.  I half-closed my eyes, took a deep breath and performed the drop before the commencing form.  Suddenly, it felt as if someone threw a bucket of cold water on the sizzling flames inside of me.  I was on the verge of throwing up, but the upward pressure on my stomach just waned.  My body tensions followed to diminish significantly.  I was astonished.  

Riding on this feeling, I managed to carry myself to the airport without deteriorating much further.  I could walk by myself and maintained a good level of awareness.

At the airport security, while standing in line, I did Taichi breathing.  When there was enough room around me, I went on to do a very small scale "Cloud Hands" to enhance the relaxed feeling.

Despite my success in keeping nausea at bay, by the time we got to the gate, I was exhausted.  I just closed my eyes and let myself fall asleep on the bench.    

I boarded the plane, got into my seat and let myself sleep again.  My head was uncomfortable, but it was not as painful as it could be.  Normally, by the time I had to lie down, my ears would be ringing, my body temperature would have gone totally out of whack, and I would be soaked in cold sweat already.  None of that happened.

People often call migraine a headache.  It actually is not a headache but a neurological disorder.  During an episode, too much blood (often very warm blood) is flooding the brain.  The excessive pressure and temperature spark an inflammatory reaction.  Some body functions can become temporarily impaired.  For me, I often lose my ability to breathe.  My tidal volume becomes so low that I barely take in any air.  Without adequate oxygen, the pain in my head intensifies.  Miraculously, with Taichi breathing and awareness, I was able to maintain my breathing the entire time. 

Having said that, it was still impossible for me to eat or drink anything.  I tried nibbling on a tiny bite of steamed bread for blood sugar and to use it to soak up the fluids washing around in my stomach.  Yet, even that amount of extra weight was enough to revive my urge to throw up.  When the airline beverages and pretzels came, I turned down everything and continued to sleep.  I had zero energy for anything.

After what felt like an eternity, I could hear and smell the meal carts approaching.  As much as I fretted about vomiting, I figured that I must eat something.  Otherwise, low blood sugar will kick in as another triggering stress factor.  It will keep me in a loop.  It is not good for my situation.  

As a stroke of luck, before the airline dinner arrived, the drinks came first.  Even though I do not normally consume caffeine because it can be a migraine trigger, I ordered some hot tea.  Like a magic potion, the warm fluid pushed everything right down.  By the time the food came, not only did I consume everything, but I was also capable of keeping it inside of me.

I AM BACK!

It was like a miracle.  All the migraine symptoms went away.  I was tired, but I was fine for the rest of the flight.

Having practiced Aikido for so many years, I thought I knew breathing and relaxation.  What I knew served me extremely well during Aikido practice and helped me through many tense real life situations.  Yet, it was not the right response for a migraine attack.

I contemplated about my experience, trying to understand the difference between the Aikido approach I took and the Taichi response that saved me.  

My initial approach was akin to what one does in randori: By keeping all the noises in my head down, like a vigilant hunter, I can channel all my energy into perceiving my partner's every minute move so I can respond swiftly.  Unfortunately, during a migraine attack, what I am dealing with is within myself.  I hear every call by the migraine crystal clear.  Not only did I hear it, I listened to it.  By giving it all my attention, I was answering its call for me.  I was feeding into a downward spiral.  As a result, the hunter became the hunted.

The Taichi relaxation and breathing is a totally different level of maintaining oneself.  Even though I heard the calls by the migraine and I experienced the pain in my head, I did not repond to any of them.  It was as if I was observing the manifestations of the migraine from a distance.  Even though it was happening all around me, nothing could cling onto me.  Nothing could affect me.

This reminds me of a mindfulness meditation retreat I read about: Participants are asked to sit in seiza for hours on end to meditate.  Needless to say, modern urbanites who are not used to sitting on their knees start feeling uncomfortable rather quickly.  Their ankles are tingling.  Their feet fall asleep.  Their kness are hurting like crazy.  Interestingly, participants are not allowed to get up to stretch their legs.  Instead, they are instructed to stay calm to observe the discomfort and detach themselves from the pain.  Reportedly, within minutes, the intensity of the perceived pain subsides.  Surges of pain, tingles and strange itches come and go.  Applying the same technique, people eventually do not feel any discomfort anymore.  They are able to sit through hours-long meditation sessions without a hitch. 

Isn't it the basic teaching in Aikido that when people push, we do not push against them, and when they pull, we do not pull back?  Feel and perceive everything without responding by giving away any energy -- not even mental energy -- to your partner . . .  or migraines.  

What an epiphany.

"Staying calm" and "being relaxed" have new meanings to me.  

I think I have a new year resolution.

Credit: Dr Fan Tsz Wo