The Reflection Of A Reflection

Takeguchi Sensei always says people who lost control in their private life tends to bring it on the mat and act it out, trying to regain control. 

N is an Aikido transplant who brought old habits with him.  He has the tendency of being task-oriented.  In order to complete a technique, he tends to focus on moving his partner, rather than paying attention to himself.

On this day, such behavior was on overdrive.   

Normally, I would allow students time and space to fumble and struggle, hoping that they would work together and figure things out.  This time, despite the fact that he had gotten himself stuck time and time again, N did not seem to be swayed.  Rather, he upped his game: he used even more force and employed alternative aggressive moves to muscle his partners to submmision.

His actions gave me the impression that he must have hit a really rough spot in his life because such behavior is rather out of character for him.  Even though his partners were extremely supportive and patient, N's elevated forcefulness was beginning to show on their faces as grimaces.  Before someone got hurt, I had to intervene.

I tried reminding N of the sequence of moves I demonstrated.  He watched the replay, but reverted back to what he had been doing.

I confronted him, "Where do these moves come from?  Did I do that?"  He was silent.

I used him as uke so as to help him feel the moves I was showing.  He was withdrawn and he resisted engaging.  Instead of taking ukemi by following the flow of the movement, he retracted fearfully and ended up placing himself at random, dangerous spots.  

I have to admit that I was quite frustrated.  I thought to myself, "Which part of what I said or what I did was not clear enough?  Why is he acting this way?"  For him and for the other students, I really wanted him to change his ways.  However, the more I was after his case, the more he went the other way.  Things went on a downward spiral . . . 

The entire time, I was trying to impress on him that the only person he can change is himself.  He needs to focus on moving himself and stop trying to move his partner.  

I do not know if N heard me.  Even if he did, he clearly did not do what I told him.  Did he try?  Even though he was acting out of sorts, I believe he did.  Perhaps, he just did not have it in him on this day.

At the mean time, because of my concern for the safety of the other students, and my insistence that N does what I think is better for him, I pressed him over and over again.  I had forgotten that the only person I can change is me.  I did exactly what I told N not to do:  I was trying to move my partner.

Teaching Aikido can be such a humbling experience.  The more I lead classes, the more I realize how much I need to learn Aikido myself.