In The Same Boat

After practice, a student approached me sheepishly in the changing room, "May I ask you a question?  When you were a student, did you ever encounter problems and difficulties?"  

"What are you thinking?  Of course, I did!"  I could not help bursting out laughing.  "A lot.  Many times.  To the extent that I wondered if I should bother to continue.  But, for the love of my teachers and fellow students, I stuck with it.  What you are feeling is totally normal.  Please do not be discouraged.  You are doing great.  Just keep at it." 

The student broke out a smile and said, "Really?  It makes me feel so much better.  Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who feels this way . . . "

Ahhh.  Is this what students think?  Their teachers are super humans who are free from struggles?  Here I am, so many years later, I am still a student.  I still encounter problems and difficulties in my study -- just different kinds of problems and difficulties than before.  And I do not expect it to go away any time soon.

However, not everybody shares sentiments like that.

I once suggested to a kyu grader that he should try to loosen up and learn to deliver his techniques more swiftly and freely.  "No, I can't," he said.  "Look at the people I train with!  When I do a technique, they don't even know how to respond.  How do I practice with them?  Who can I throw?  I can't throw them.  They can't take the fall!"  

It is true that many of his fellow dojo mates are of lower rank than him.  Yet, he forgot that he was once a beginner himself.  Didn't we throw him around?  How did we do that?  We managed to practice with him for all these years.  Somehow, he is now blaming his partners for being the obstacle to his progress.  If his argument is true, shouldn't all instructors experience stunted growth because of a lack of training partners of comparable caliber day in day out?  Who would want to be an instructor and run a dojo, then???

The other day I had a "class after class" with a student over a beer, explaining in more details and depth about something I showed during practice.  Back in the days, we had a lot of such sessions with Takeguchi Sensei after practice.  If we could keep him, we would not have let Sensei go home.  We wanted to know everything and could talk Aikido forever.  It is pleasant to see that someone is showing the same enthusiasm and passion.

By the end of of the class after class, the student let out a sigh.  

"What's the matter?  Did my explanation make sense?  Do you understand?" I was perplexed by the troubled look on his face.

"Yeah, I think I understand now.  Thank you.  It is just that you told me so many things I did not know.  After practicing all these years, I thought I know stuff.  You just made me realize that, actually, I don't.  At least, not as much and not as well as I thought I did.   Some things, I simply understood them wrong.  And there are things that I didn't even know existed.  I was totally blown away . . . "

I tapped him on the shoulder, "That's okay.  It is kinda like that.  Aikido is about building new, better habits.  When you first feel like you get the hang of something, you think you so got it and that becomes the thing for you.  As you learn more, however, you realize that your first habit is actually terrible.  Using your new found knowledge, you replace it with a better habit.  Just as you begin to feel conceited, you find out that this is still not it.  You, once again, have to ditch your old habit and work on a new, better one.  It just keeps repeating and repeating.  

Will it ever end?  I don't know.  Hopefully, never.  

Always remember: Complacency is poison.  It is much more fun to keep searching and exploring.  Plus, you are not alone.  We are in the same boat."