Problem Understanding A Problem

I ran into F, one of my Aikido student, at the recreation center.  She looked really stressed and weary.  She told me that she had been having issues with her healthcare providers.  In general, she is worried about the implications of aging.  That explains why she has been going full throttle taking all sorts of exercise classes.  

Her biggest frustration, however, is that, her other half, M, doesn't seem to share her concerns and tends to spend his time on classes like painting.  "He sits too much.  He needs to exercise more.  I ask him to take your class, but he does not listen." She shook her head and pouted a big pout.  "Look!  M is coming over.  Why don't you talk to him for me?"  

She waved and hollered at M, "Hey!  Meipo here is our Aikido teacher.  I need to take care of something over there.  Why don't the two of you talk?"  She gave me a quick wink and vanished like a ninja.

M is a soft spoken and mild mannered man.  He smiled and waved.

"Look at what I did today,!" he showed me an acrylic painting on a board.  "I am not good at painting, but I really enjoy it."  He smiled again.

"Look at you!  This is admirable work!  For now, I am just learning to manage a pencil.  I don't think I dare to reach for a brush and paint any time soon."  I gave him a 👍, and pointed at the direction where F went.  "Someone is concerned about you.  She wants me to lobby you to do more exercises."

"That again?"  The big smile deflated.  "I thought we talked about it."  M let out a deep sigh as he stowed the painting away.

I patted him on the back.  "You know why people nag?  My counsellor once said that it is because they feel unheard.  You don't have to do what she asks you to do, but maybe you can acknowledge her so that she understands that you hear her?  It's just an emotional things."

"Argh!  We have talked about this so many times.  Yes, I am not going to her exercise classes.  Can you imagine me doing Zumba?  But I see my therapist regularly and I have been doing all my PTs.  I am getting stronger.  I am doing fine.  She just would not believe me!"  

M rolled his eyes, sighed, and hung his head real low.

"I don't know what else to do.  I think it is her anxiety.  She just can't shake it off."  M was visibly worn down by the subject.

"Good for you, Man.  Asian women, are very persistent.  They worry about everyone and try to take care of everything with their own hands!"  I laughed.

"I know a lot of Asians.  Not everybody is this way."  M turned to look at F, who was slowly walking back towards us.  "Her childhood just traumatized her too much.  She had seen too many horrible things and she is anxious about everything."  

"I think you should sign up for Meipo's class.  She is a very good teacher.  The class is really fun.  I learnt a lot from her.  If you would just try, I am sure you'll like it.  . . . "  F launched her sales pitch as soon as she returned.  M turned to look elsewhere.

I got up and waved goodbye so as to extract myself from the situation.  Nonetheless, the little exchange with F and M continues to linger in my mind.  

Clearly, she is very worried.  He also sounds like he got the message and has been taking measures to address her concerns.  So, where is the disconnect?

Suddenly, it dawned on me that what F meant to say is: "M, I love you very much.  You are so important to me.  I want our time together to last as long as possible.  I have been doing everything I can so that I may live longer in good health with you.  Would you please do the same so that I feel more assured?"

Unfortunately, with the words she used, M only heard that F wanted him to exercise.  So, he did.  And he is perplexed by why his exercise regime is never enough to her.

As the saying goes, "Women want to be understood; men like to solve a problem."

Yet, left to their own devices, women would never be understood and men could never solve the problem.

How ironic.