The Gentle Giant

Big people often get the reputation of being rough, muscly and resistant.  A lot of people feel intimidated by big partners because of their size and weight.  They are considered difficult partners to train with.  

Is it really true?  Is this a fair characterization?

One great Aikido instructor I know -- the late Ichihashi Sensei of Hombu Dojo -- was a tall, big guy.  He was very strong and had powerful Aikido.  Yet, he offered a very gentle touch.  My experience with Ichihashi Sensei on the mat was always smooth and enjoyable.

We had a student, Frankie, who is a muscular hunk.  He could casually pick up a tatami mat and make it fly vertically up 15 feet from the basement of a church for us to catch on the ground level.  He was also super gentle and sensitive.  It was a pleasure to practice with him. 

Every time we praised him on his gentleness, he would say, "I come here to learn the techniques.  If it is all about muscle and force, I already have it.  Why bother?"

Meanwhile, I have had a good number of really painful encounters with small partners because of the amount of force they use.  Even though I am not a huge person, the moment I paired up with them, by comparison, I become the "tall, big partner".   I suppose my small partners thought they need to add extra juice to compensate for their lacking in stature.  Because I, the "tall, big partner" is rough and resistant by definition, brute force treatment is deemed justified.

I feel sorry that, all their lives, big people have been bending themselves to fit into a world that is constructed for and by medium-sized people.  Most big Aikido students have smaller teachers.  They try to mimic their teacher's movements, but the forms do not always suit them.  They end up contorting their bodies in order to make it work.  In keeping with the good Aikido tradition, as short instructors, we have our share of tall students, too.  I get to witness first hand how hard it is for them to break the habit.

Short people do shomenuchi ikkyo by extending their arms up and over their partner's' head.  If tall people were to do the same, their partners would be dangling in the air!  Maybe that is why so many tall Aikido people hunch over to adjust to their shorter partners?

[Watch: The Toothpick And Drinking Straw Doing Ikkyo]

The ultimate technique that accentuates the height difference between the nage and uke has to be shihonage ura.  Not only does the nage have to go under uke's arm, they even have to spin 180 degrees beneath the uke's hand.  Most of the big nages compensate by bending backwards to make the move possible.  

Back in the days when Aikido Today Magazine was still around, robust discussions about how a toothpick and a drinking straw can practice this technique together consumed many pages of the publication issue after issue.  The topic continues to capture the fascination of Aikido students to this day.  

At USAF Summer Camp a couple years back, I met a lovely big guy, C.  He was mindful and sincere.  I love training with him.  Yet, like many big guys I know, at times, he was not sure how to deal with his big body.  I can feel his confusion and frustrations. 

When he hunched over for me this year, I urged C to stand tall and keep his best posture.  

"There is nothing wrong with being big.  Being big is wonderful and beautiful.  You are who you are.  Love yourself.  Embrace your bigness.  Small people like me try to expand our presence to be more like you.  Why would you want to shrink into a little dwarf like me?

Being big does not mean you are or you have to be rough or forceful.  Ever heard of 'gentle giants'?  You can be one, too.  While you may have to modify some of your form so you can engage with short partners, the rest is pretty much the same.  If average-sized adults can practice with children without contorting ourselves, you should be able to practice with medium or small adults just the same."

Some of us were born big, some of us will forever be small.  In Aikido, we strive to practice with everybody.  Nobody is too big or too small.  You are the perfect size for you.  With a little adjustment, we should be able to move with all our partners all the same.  

Remember: The size of our uke is not the constraint.  Our imagination and creativity is.

I really look forward to my next encounter with C, the Gentle Giant . . .