The 101st Thing
Kasper, my nephew, was an exuberant little boy. He never failed to let people know he was happy; when he was upset, he would not try to hide it. His tiny body was the home to a big personality.
One day, Kasper was noticeably unhappy. My brother asked him what was going on. He lowered his eyelashes and muttered, "I have no friends. Nobody likes me." It really broke his father's heart to hear that. My brother thought he had to do something about it.
It happened that the monthly birthday party at school was coming up. My brother decided to take the day off to accompany his son to the party and see for himself why his son was so lonely.
The moment they walked in, several kids came up to Kasper to greet him. They invited him to play and shared food with him. The entire time, Kasper was surrounded by his classmates. There was no idle moment for the boy. It was a great party and everybody seemed to have a lot of fun. The worried father was very relieved.
After they got home, my sister-in-law asked Kasper how the party went. "It was not good, Mom. People don't like me. I have no friends . . ." Kasper was looking down with a very sad face. "Hey, that is not true, Son!" my brother jumped in. "I was there. You were very popular. So many kids came to play with you. You played together happily for hours! Why do you say you have no friends?"
To keep a long story short, it turned out that my nephew believed "true friends" would come running to hold him tight and give him smooches all over the face. Since nobody did that at the party, people must feel just lukewarm about him. Yes, they played together, but don't all the kids play together anyways? It was not special. Friends make each other feel special. In short, he had rather absurd expectations for what being friends meant. As such, he was not very good at gauging others' feelings towards him.
Fortunately, his parents both graduated with a degree in social work. With a little bit of counseling, Kasper quickly adjusted to reality and became a much happier boy.
You may find the story of Kasper childish and silly. You think only kids would act this way. Really? To be fair: Don't we, adults, often come up with uncommunicated hurdles for people around us to jump? "If they truly care about me, they would do this for me." Then, when people fail to jump over these hurdles that they do not know about, we become disappointed and upset. Even if they have done one hundred things for you, they miss this one, it is not good enough. "They do not care about me, after all." This becomes our conclusion.
Have reasonable expectations. Be fair -- to yourself and to people around you. People do love you. Can you, at least, help make the process easier? Be communicative. Let them know what you want. Life does not need to be so mysterious all the time. Simple does it.
One day, Kasper was noticeably unhappy. My brother asked him what was going on. He lowered his eyelashes and muttered, "I have no friends. Nobody likes me." It really broke his father's heart to hear that. My brother thought he had to do something about it.
It happened that the monthly birthday party at school was coming up. My brother decided to take the day off to accompany his son to the party and see for himself why his son was so lonely.
The moment they walked in, several kids came up to Kasper to greet him. They invited him to play and shared food with him. The entire time, Kasper was surrounded by his classmates. There was no idle moment for the boy. It was a great party and everybody seemed to have a lot of fun. The worried father was very relieved.
After they got home, my sister-in-law asked Kasper how the party went. "It was not good, Mom. People don't like me. I have no friends . . ." Kasper was looking down with a very sad face. "Hey, that is not true, Son!" my brother jumped in. "I was there. You were very popular. So many kids came to play with you. You played together happily for hours! Why do you say you have no friends?"
To keep a long story short, it turned out that my nephew believed "true friends" would come running to hold him tight and give him smooches all over the face. Since nobody did that at the party, people must feel just lukewarm about him. Yes, they played together, but don't all the kids play together anyways? It was not special. Friends make each other feel special. In short, he had rather absurd expectations for what being friends meant. As such, he was not very good at gauging others' feelings towards him.
Fortunately, his parents both graduated with a degree in social work. With a little bit of counseling, Kasper quickly adjusted to reality and became a much happier boy.
You may find the story of Kasper childish and silly. You think only kids would act this way. Really? To be fair: Don't we, adults, often come up with uncommunicated hurdles for people around us to jump? "If they truly care about me, they would do this for me." Then, when people fail to jump over these hurdles that they do not know about, we become disappointed and upset. Even if they have done one hundred things for you, they miss this one, it is not good enough. "They do not care about me, after all." This becomes our conclusion.
Have reasonable expectations. Be fair -- to yourself and to people around you. People do love you. Can you, at least, help make the process easier? Be communicative. Let them know what you want. Life does not need to be so mysterious all the time. Simple does it.
Comments
Post a Comment