The Alternative Teddy Bear
Everybody knows to say it is important to have good habits. We also know that it is hard to break bad habits. We all start as babies like a clean slates. Where do our habits come from? How do we develop one?
Recently, I had a profound experience that has given me much to think about.
We have an Aikido student, Adrienne, who is very good at sewing. She makes most of her own clothes and they look extremely professional. One weekend, she generously came over to teach me a beginner's project -- how to sew a pair of PJ pants.
She showed me the entire process from scratch: from pinning the pattern down, cutting the fabric, to matching the pieces together and sewing them into a pair of pants. The product is the most comfortable pair of pants I have ever owned!
At one point, she showed me how to match two pieces of fabric together by stretching them and pinning them together section by section from one end to the other. If you can visualise it: you have to use both hands to hold a section of the pieces of fabric, pull slightly to stretch the fabric, and then use one hand to hold the point to be pinned, then use the freed hand to grab a pin and pin the pieces together. Repeat.
Sounds simple and straight forward, right? I watched attentively as Adrienne demonstrated. Then it was my turn to try. Without thinking, I immediately reached for a pin with my hand. "No! Put it back down! You need to have both hands free. Stretch the fabric first. After that, you can take the pin for the next step," Adrienne reminded me. Yes, of course! What am I thinking? I can't be holding the pin and stretching fabric at the same time!!! I put down the pin, followed her instructions. Got one section done. Guess what? Immediately, my hand went for a pin again! "No! Put the pin down. You don't need the pin yet, remember?" Oh, yes, of course! Stretch fabric first, right? Okay! Got another section done. Sure enough, my hand reached for a pin again!!! Adrienne is a very patient teacher. She looked at me intently with a smile without saying a word. I immediately realized what I have done AGAIN.
Why do I repeatedly, instinctively want to grab a pin? This is the first time ever for me to do this task. I should not have any pre-existing habit at all. Why am I behaving as if I had a deep set habit??
As an Aikido instructor, this really intrigues me. Many times, we see student do "strange things" repeatedly, consistently. We ask them why they do what they do, and tell them to stop doing it -- basically, presuming they know what they are doing and they are doing it willfully. In this case, I could tell my hand just went for the pin almost automatically. Before I knew it, my fingers were already holding a pin! Why did I do that?
I shared this story with Takeguchi Sensei the other day. His take is that people instinctively want to seek control. They desire something tangible to help them feel comfortable. In my case, since I was feeling kind of sheepish, the magnificent sewing pin became my lifesaver. It helps me feel like I am ready to do something. In essence, how is it different from an anxious Aikido student clenching on his partners with a death grip or strangling the wooden stick in his hands?
This makes me think of a story I read on the Washington Post a couple weeks ago. It is about a depressed man in his 70s, being confiscated of his 81 guns after he made statements that caused a medical technician to worry that he might be a threat to others or himself.
What strikes me the hardest is this part in the story:
"In truth, McGuire could barely remember the last time he fired one of his guns. . . . What he said he loved most about guns was not the hunting, or the culture, or even the thrill of pulling a trigger. It was the way that holding a weapon in his hand could make him feel in control when so many other aspects of his life did not."
Takeguchi Sensei is right: When people, otherwise, feel they do not have control over their lives, they seek out tangible things that offer them a sense of control. As Aikido people, we try to attain a state of mind in which we may be rid of such dependency. We train, we practice in order to learn to deal with our sense of insecurity. But, how many people can truly succeed? I have learnt not to clench on my partners already, but I still want to grab a sewing pin! Think about people who do not practice Aikido or any martial arts, what can they do to fill that void in their heart? As people, what can we do to help them feel more comfortable, aside from keeping 81 guns in the house?
Recently, I had a profound experience that has given me much to think about.
We have an Aikido student, Adrienne, who is very good at sewing. She makes most of her own clothes and they look extremely professional. One weekend, she generously came over to teach me a beginner's project -- how to sew a pair of PJ pants.
She showed me the entire process from scratch: from pinning the pattern down, cutting the fabric, to matching the pieces together and sewing them into a pair of pants. The product is the most comfortable pair of pants I have ever owned!
At one point, she showed me how to match two pieces of fabric together by stretching them and pinning them together section by section from one end to the other. If you can visualise it: you have to use both hands to hold a section of the pieces of fabric, pull slightly to stretch the fabric, and then use one hand to hold the point to be pinned, then use the freed hand to grab a pin and pin the pieces together. Repeat.
Sounds simple and straight forward, right? I watched attentively as Adrienne demonstrated. Then it was my turn to try. Without thinking, I immediately reached for a pin with my hand. "No! Put it back down! You need to have both hands free. Stretch the fabric first. After that, you can take the pin for the next step," Adrienne reminded me. Yes, of course! What am I thinking? I can't be holding the pin and stretching fabric at the same time!!! I put down the pin, followed her instructions. Got one section done. Guess what? Immediately, my hand went for a pin again! "No! Put the pin down. You don't need the pin yet, remember?" Oh, yes, of course! Stretch fabric first, right? Okay! Got another section done. Sure enough, my hand reached for a pin again!!! Adrienne is a very patient teacher. She looked at me intently with a smile without saying a word. I immediately realized what I have done AGAIN.
Why do I repeatedly, instinctively want to grab a pin? This is the first time ever for me to do this task. I should not have any pre-existing habit at all. Why am I behaving as if I had a deep set habit??
As an Aikido instructor, this really intrigues me. Many times, we see student do "strange things" repeatedly, consistently. We ask them why they do what they do, and tell them to stop doing it -- basically, presuming they know what they are doing and they are doing it willfully. In this case, I could tell my hand just went for the pin almost automatically. Before I knew it, my fingers were already holding a pin! Why did I do that?
I shared this story with Takeguchi Sensei the other day. His take is that people instinctively want to seek control. They desire something tangible to help them feel comfortable. In my case, since I was feeling kind of sheepish, the magnificent sewing pin became my lifesaver. It helps me feel like I am ready to do something. In essence, how is it different from an anxious Aikido student clenching on his partners with a death grip or strangling the wooden stick in his hands?
This makes me think of a story I read on the Washington Post a couple weeks ago. It is about a depressed man in his 70s, being confiscated of his 81 guns after he made statements that caused a medical technician to worry that he might be a threat to others or himself.
What strikes me the hardest is this part in the story:
"In truth, McGuire could barely remember the last time he fired one of his guns. . . . What he said he loved most about guns was not the hunting, or the culture, or even the thrill of pulling a trigger. It was the way that holding a weapon in his hand could make him feel in control when so many other aspects of his life did not."
Takeguchi Sensei is right: When people, otherwise, feel they do not have control over their lives, they seek out tangible things that offer them a sense of control. As Aikido people, we try to attain a state of mind in which we may be rid of such dependency. We train, we practice in order to learn to deal with our sense of insecurity. But, how many people can truly succeed? I have learnt not to clench on my partners already, but I still want to grab a sewing pin! Think about people who do not practice Aikido or any martial arts, what can they do to fill that void in their heart? As people, what can we do to help them feel more comfortable, aside from keeping 81 guns in the house?
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