The Perfect Vessel
One of the difficult thing about moving away from Hong Kong is that I see my mom at most once a year. We do not even talk very often because of time differences and our schedules. Maybe once in a month, my mom would call to check on us and to share with me highlights of her life. This story is from our exchange last week.
Mama says she feels very blessed to have pretty much everything she needs. There are only two things she still wishes for: 1/ to have better memory, and 2/ to be able to understand Mandarin. Honestly, I was a little disappointed by her answer because I thought she would say something like she wishes to spend more time with her kids. I can't believe spending time with me does not even make her list. Darn!
Mama has never had formal education. The fact that she now sits in a class to study Buddhist literature with people who have high school or even university level education is like a miracle to me. Mama has been illiterate for most of her life. She is very self aware of her lack of education. In her mind, education is a huge thing. She is extremely envious of people who got to attend school. I keep telling her that she might have overrated classroom learning. I have the feeling that if she gets to sit in a regular classroom in a school, she might be rather disappointed.
I asked her, "How big is a cup?' Unlike most educated people who tend to overthink, my mom answered very directly, "It can be large or small. Really depends on what kind of cup it is." Bingo! Sometimes I am really stunned by how pure and crystal-clear her mind can be.
I went on to explain to her that everybody is their own set of cups for what they need to hold. On certain subjects, one can be a very large cup, but the same person can be a tiny cup in other areas. Everybody is a different set of cup depends on who they are, but that combo fits that person perfectly. If you need to become a larger cup, you keep working at it, and you will become a larger cup. It will happen. It just takes time and determination.
Mama always thinks very small of herself simply because of her background. She actually has acquired a lot of knowledge and wisdom through life. She just does not know to value it.
"Many of the students in your class know Mandarin and many of them have better memory than you do. Do you find them all admirable, wise, happy people?" She paused to ponder, and then let out a sigh and a chuckle.
"There is no need to be envious of others for things that you do not have. Gotta remember: one of the causes of anguish is the unsatiated appetite for things that you do not have. You used to be totally illiterate. Then, you learn a few words. You want to know more, so you worked hard and you learn more. Because you enjoy the pleasure of literacy, you keep working hard and your knowledge grows with time. Enjoy what you have and use your desire to learn as your motivation. Be contend with what you have. Try not to fret over what you have not yet learnt. At the end, you learn all these words in order to study your Buddhist books. What do you study these books for? To learn to become more enlightened -- to become a happier person! If you get aggravated simply because you do not know enough Mandarin to understand the entire lecture, or you get upset because you don't memorize well, aren't you missing the point???"
It makes me happy that, most of the times, my mom is happier by the end of our conversation than when we started. I tease her that I am her Ronald McDonald. She comes to me for her spiritual Happy Meals. It always puts a smile on her face. The only thing missing is a cheap plastic toy Made in China.
Mama says she feels very blessed to have pretty much everything she needs. There are only two things she still wishes for: 1/ to have better memory, and 2/ to be able to understand Mandarin. Honestly, I was a little disappointed by her answer because I thought she would say something like she wishes to spend more time with her kids. I can't believe spending time with me does not even make her list. Darn!
Mama has never had formal education. The fact that she now sits in a class to study Buddhist literature with people who have high school or even university level education is like a miracle to me. Mama has been illiterate for most of her life. She is very self aware of her lack of education. In her mind, education is a huge thing. She is extremely envious of people who got to attend school. I keep telling her that she might have overrated classroom learning. I have the feeling that if she gets to sit in a regular classroom in a school, she might be rather disappointed.
I asked her, "How big is a cup?' Unlike most educated people who tend to overthink, my mom answered very directly, "It can be large or small. Really depends on what kind of cup it is." Bingo! Sometimes I am really stunned by how pure and crystal-clear her mind can be.
I went on to explain to her that everybody is their own set of cups for what they need to hold. On certain subjects, one can be a very large cup, but the same person can be a tiny cup in other areas. Everybody is a different set of cup depends on who they are, but that combo fits that person perfectly. If you need to become a larger cup, you keep working at it, and you will become a larger cup. It will happen. It just takes time and determination.
Mama always thinks very small of herself simply because of her background. She actually has acquired a lot of knowledge and wisdom through life. She just does not know to value it.
"Many of the students in your class know Mandarin and many of them have better memory than you do. Do you find them all admirable, wise, happy people?" She paused to ponder, and then let out a sigh and a chuckle.
"There is no need to be envious of others for things that you do not have. Gotta remember: one of the causes of anguish is the unsatiated appetite for things that you do not have. You used to be totally illiterate. Then, you learn a few words. You want to know more, so you worked hard and you learn more. Because you enjoy the pleasure of literacy, you keep working hard and your knowledge grows with time. Enjoy what you have and use your desire to learn as your motivation. Be contend with what you have. Try not to fret over what you have not yet learnt. At the end, you learn all these words in order to study your Buddhist books. What do you study these books for? To learn to become more enlightened -- to become a happier person! If you get aggravated simply because you do not know enough Mandarin to understand the entire lecture, or you get upset because you don't memorize well, aren't you missing the point???"
It makes me happy that, most of the times, my mom is happier by the end of our conversation than when we started. I tease her that I am her Ronald McDonald. She comes to me for her spiritual Happy Meals. It always puts a smile on her face. The only thing missing is a cheap plastic toy Made in China.
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