#AikidoToo
On the second day of the anniversary seminar at Saku Dojo in early May, a special announcement was made before practice on harassment and bullying. I was very delighted to hear the dojo management's clear stance against these behaviors. At the same time, because the timing of the announcement, like many, I could not help wondering if anything happened on the first day of practice.
During lunch break, people started chatting about their feelings about the subject. That was when I heard there was some concern over sexual harassment at Hombu Dojo as well because of an incident involving an uchi-deshi. Many started speculating what prompted such an announcement on the second day but not the first day of the seminar. With some close friends, I shared my experience from the day before: someone breathing air onto my skin behind my ear and then held me at a close distance just before he threw me with iriminage, whispering, "Hi, Little Girl!" My partner did not touch me at inappropriately, nor did he do anything sexual. Yet, my account was met with wide open eyes and dropped jaws. "That is exactly what they were talking about!!! Have you told them about it? You should!"
To be honest, having been in Aikido for over 26 years, I have had a lot of strange encounters. It does make me uncomfortable. I usually come out feeling very confused: "Was it really what I think it is, or am I being hypersensitive?" It is not so different from the other awkward encounters in my daily life as a woman in this world. Because you are afraid of making false accusations and, thus, make a fool of yourself, you are reluctant to speak up. You start questioning yourself. The more you do this, the more you bottle up. With time, you become used to it and think it is normal . . .
At the encouragement of quite a few male friends who assured me that what happened was NOT "normal", I talked to Maki, our wonderful interpreter/ fellow aikido student at the seminar. She was very sympathetic and supportive. I left it to her to share this incident with the management. As she said to me, with my age, experience and personality, I could handle it and move on. However, some younger women with a different personality might find it too offensive and feel scared. They may develop a wrong feeling about the community and stop coming to Aikido.
Many years ago when I was much younger, I was uke for irminage with a particular male partner. He moved behind me, held his face very close to mine and whispered, "This is the part I like the most . . ." Before I knew it, he bumped his lower body against mine from behind. "Hehehe . . " he sniggered. I was shocked. "Did that really happen? Was it what I thought that he just did??" I battled inside for days before I brought this to the attention of the teacher.
To my disappointment, the teacher's response was: "If you don't want to practice with him, you don't have to. Just avoid him. If you somehow pair up with him again and he does it again, just stop practice and walk away . . . and please don't make a big fuss."
I have no idea if the teacher ever dealt with this directly with this man. All I got was that it was my responsibility to stay away from him in order to protect myself. And, of course, I need to stay quiet about it. Do not make a big fuss.
The dojo is supposed to be a pure and safe space for men and women of all ages to train together. There is no place for such behavior. Nobody should have to endure this sort of unwanted attention. People who do not know how to behave properly and respect others are not welcomed on the Aikido mat.
Students come to a dojo to entrust themselves to the tutelage and care of the instructors. If you consider the dojo a family, the instructors are the parents and the students are the children. It is the parents' responsibility to keep the children safe. No matter how awkward it might be to address the issue, it is the instructor's job. There is no excuse.
During lunch break, people started chatting about their feelings about the subject. That was when I heard there was some concern over sexual harassment at Hombu Dojo as well because of an incident involving an uchi-deshi. Many started speculating what prompted such an announcement on the second day but not the first day of the seminar. With some close friends, I shared my experience from the day before: someone breathing air onto my skin behind my ear and then held me at a close distance just before he threw me with iriminage, whispering, "Hi, Little Girl!" My partner did not touch me at inappropriately, nor did he do anything sexual. Yet, my account was met with wide open eyes and dropped jaws. "That is exactly what they were talking about!!! Have you told them about it? You should!"
To be honest, having been in Aikido for over 26 years, I have had a lot of strange encounters. It does make me uncomfortable. I usually come out feeling very confused: "Was it really what I think it is, or am I being hypersensitive?" It is not so different from the other awkward encounters in my daily life as a woman in this world. Because you are afraid of making false accusations and, thus, make a fool of yourself, you are reluctant to speak up. You start questioning yourself. The more you do this, the more you bottle up. With time, you become used to it and think it is normal . . .
At the encouragement of quite a few male friends who assured me that what happened was NOT "normal", I talked to Maki, our wonderful interpreter/ fellow aikido student at the seminar. She was very sympathetic and supportive. I left it to her to share this incident with the management. As she said to me, with my age, experience and personality, I could handle it and move on. However, some younger women with a different personality might find it too offensive and feel scared. They may develop a wrong feeling about the community and stop coming to Aikido.
Many years ago when I was much younger, I was uke for irminage with a particular male partner. He moved behind me, held his face very close to mine and whispered, "This is the part I like the most . . ." Before I knew it, he bumped his lower body against mine from behind. "Hehehe . . " he sniggered. I was shocked. "Did that really happen? Was it what I thought that he just did??" I battled inside for days before I brought this to the attention of the teacher.
To my disappointment, the teacher's response was: "If you don't want to practice with him, you don't have to. Just avoid him. If you somehow pair up with him again and he does it again, just stop practice and walk away . . . and please don't make a big fuss."
I have no idea if the teacher ever dealt with this directly with this man. All I got was that it was my responsibility to stay away from him in order to protect myself. And, of course, I need to stay quiet about it. Do not make a big fuss.
The dojo is supposed to be a pure and safe space for men and women of all ages to train together. There is no place for such behavior. Nobody should have to endure this sort of unwanted attention. People who do not know how to behave properly and respect others are not welcomed on the Aikido mat.
Students come to a dojo to entrust themselves to the tutelage and care of the instructors. If you consider the dojo a family, the instructors are the parents and the students are the children. It is the parents' responsibility to keep the children safe. No matter how awkward it might be to address the issue, it is the instructor's job. There is no excuse.
We shall all work towards those goals Meipo.
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