The Unbearable Lightness of Being
We moved into our house almost 20 years ago. I was not prepared to take care of a garden because I used to live on the 36th floor of an apartment building. I don't even know what soil is like in Hong Kong. To make things more challenging, the previous owner of the house was sort of a Johny Appleseed who planted things in the garden randomly. The place was weedy and messy.
Through some brute force trial-and-error, plus a lot of reading and asking questions, our garden starts looking better. While I am still troubled by the many problems I see in my garden, I am shocked to learn that our neighbors actually think my garden looks great and they even come to me to ask garden questions. That is when I realize the general public's level of gardening knowledge is extremely low and that we need a lot more help. To be able to help others, I decided that I need to get myself better educated. That was when I signed up for becoming a Master Gardener in 2015
Most Master Gardeners are retired people. They volunteer their time and even personal resources to help with programs and activities in the community to educate people about safe and scientific practices in gardening. During the orientation of our new class of 2015, participants were asked to give a self-introduction. Most people got up and told everybody how many degrees in what important fields they had, what kind of important positions they had before retirement, and what kind of million-dollar projects they oversaw, etc.
I was very perplexed because I thought we were here to learn about gardening. Why do people keep talking about their old jobs and other unrelated qualifications? I was at a loss.
When I told Mike about it, he started laughing and explained, "People are feeling nervous. So, they talk about these other achievements to prove that they deserve being there!" "What?" I was stunned. "Why do they need to prove anything? One can join Master Gardener even without any gardening experience. All you have to do is to sign up and pay the money!" Mike chuckled and lamented, "Yeah, I know. It's strange, isn't it? But this is the way most people are. People can be very insecure, so they feel the need to prove themselves." I was absolutely dumbstruck.
After that incident, I start realizing that similar behaviors can be found everywhere. At Aikido seminars, for example, particularly when people meet someone new, they get all pumped up and act "funny". "Funny" is actually not fun at all. When people act funny, they hit extra hard, they are rigid and resistant, and they use excessive force to demonstrate that they are strong. I used to wonder why these seemingly nice people, all of a sudden, become so aggressive and violent. Now I understand that they are actually trying to impress me. OMG!!!
At a recent Aikido seminar, I met quite a few men for the first time. They were all very nice off the mat. Their level of Aikido was good. However, once you pair up with them, they became very stiff and muscly as if they suddenly turned into a bear. When I looked into their eyes, I saw this glimpse of anxiety that gave me an idea what might be going on inside of them.
With one partner, I decided to take my chances to reach out to him, "Please relax and take it easy. This is not a competition. I am your friend. You don't have to fight me because I am not here to fight you. We are here to help each other learn. I rejoice in your success. I actually want you to throw me around," My partner looked at me with disbelief. I held his hand and pleaded, " Can we just slow down and savor our time together? We don't get to see each other often. Let's not waste this opportunity." He broke out a smile and we tried again. My partner softened up and started moving smoothly and swiftly. Without effort, he tossed me around here and there. Our connection was so strong; It felt like we were inseparable. I kept coming back to him and he kept threw me again and again beautifully.
"This is amazing!" my partner said. "I have never practiced this way before. This is so enjoyable! I want to do it some more." He squeezed my hands as our session ended. We got to pair up a few more times at the seminar. We both had a lot of fun and enjoyed the immense connection that we shared.
As people, I think we all have our own share of insecurity and our moments of anxiety. It is easy to retract into our little cocoon and resort to putting up a fake, ferocious face for self-defense. As with my Aikido partner, at the end, I was the most impressed by his gentleness and kindness that came through. Not worrying about having to prove himself, his techniques become smoother and more effective. The interaction with him was so enjoyable that I would happily practice with him ten thousand more times.
If you ask me, I vote for a true, gentle heart over a tough, rigid facade any day.
Through some brute force trial-and-error, plus a lot of reading and asking questions, our garden starts looking better. While I am still troubled by the many problems I see in my garden, I am shocked to learn that our neighbors actually think my garden looks great and they even come to me to ask garden questions. That is when I realize the general public's level of gardening knowledge is extremely low and that we need a lot more help. To be able to help others, I decided that I need to get myself better educated. That was when I signed up for becoming a Master Gardener in 2015
Most Master Gardeners are retired people. They volunteer their time and even personal resources to help with programs and activities in the community to educate people about safe and scientific practices in gardening. During the orientation of our new class of 2015, participants were asked to give a self-introduction. Most people got up and told everybody how many degrees in what important fields they had, what kind of important positions they had before retirement, and what kind of million-dollar projects they oversaw, etc.
I was very perplexed because I thought we were here to learn about gardening. Why do people keep talking about their old jobs and other unrelated qualifications? I was at a loss.
When I told Mike about it, he started laughing and explained, "People are feeling nervous. So, they talk about these other achievements to prove that they deserve being there!" "What?" I was stunned. "Why do they need to prove anything? One can join Master Gardener even without any gardening experience. All you have to do is to sign up and pay the money!" Mike chuckled and lamented, "Yeah, I know. It's strange, isn't it? But this is the way most people are. People can be very insecure, so they feel the need to prove themselves." I was absolutely dumbstruck.
After that incident, I start realizing that similar behaviors can be found everywhere. At Aikido seminars, for example, particularly when people meet someone new, they get all pumped up and act "funny". "Funny" is actually not fun at all. When people act funny, they hit extra hard, they are rigid and resistant, and they use excessive force to demonstrate that they are strong. I used to wonder why these seemingly nice people, all of a sudden, become so aggressive and violent. Now I understand that they are actually trying to impress me. OMG!!!
At a recent Aikido seminar, I met quite a few men for the first time. They were all very nice off the mat. Their level of Aikido was good. However, once you pair up with them, they became very stiff and muscly as if they suddenly turned into a bear. When I looked into their eyes, I saw this glimpse of anxiety that gave me an idea what might be going on inside of them.
With one partner, I decided to take my chances to reach out to him, "Please relax and take it easy. This is not a competition. I am your friend. You don't have to fight me because I am not here to fight you. We are here to help each other learn. I rejoice in your success. I actually want you to throw me around," My partner looked at me with disbelief. I held his hand and pleaded, " Can we just slow down and savor our time together? We don't get to see each other often. Let's not waste this opportunity." He broke out a smile and we tried again. My partner softened up and started moving smoothly and swiftly. Without effort, he tossed me around here and there. Our connection was so strong; It felt like we were inseparable. I kept coming back to him and he kept threw me again and again beautifully.
"This is amazing!" my partner said. "I have never practiced this way before. This is so enjoyable! I want to do it some more." He squeezed my hands as our session ended. We got to pair up a few more times at the seminar. We both had a lot of fun and enjoyed the immense connection that we shared.
As people, I think we all have our own share of insecurity and our moments of anxiety. It is easy to retract into our little cocoon and resort to putting up a fake, ferocious face for self-defense. As with my Aikido partner, at the end, I was the most impressed by his gentleness and kindness that came through. Not worrying about having to prove himself, his techniques become smoother and more effective. The interaction with him was so enjoyable that I would happily practice with him ten thousand more times.
If you ask me, I vote for a true, gentle heart over a tough, rigid facade any day.
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