Words Of Caution

Chuck is a dear friend.  Even the physical distance between us cannot keep us apart.

When I became an art framer, I could not wait to tell him the news.  He asked me what kind of place it was and who I worked with.  It was a small framing store.  Usually, there were only me and my boss. "He is a meat-eating, smoking, Republican male from Taiwan," I tried to capture the major attributes about the man.  

Chuck started laughing out loud.  I was perplexed.  

"What are you laughing about?" I asked.  

"You are trying to tell me about your boss.  Yet, what you said tells me just as much about yourself as it is about him!"  Chuck continued to laugh.

This lesson really sticks with me.

Most people do not think twice about saying things about others.  Some are particularly generous when it comes to criticisms, as if comments that put others down can, in turn, elevate themselves.  Some others like to gossip, as if such display of their extensive knowledge of other people's private lives demonstrates how well connected and trusted they are.  

Personally, I try to maintain the policy of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell":  I don't probe into others people's businesses.  They may choose to tell me things if they want.  However, whatever goes into my ears stays there.  I tend not to be a very good broadcaster of my friends' news.

I once worked for someone who I considered a close friend.  Because of our work relationship, I got to witness him screaming at people at the top of his lungs using really foul languages.  I have no idea what happened between him and these people.  I do not care how right he might be with regard to their disagreements.  The fact that he would lose his temper so badly and behave in such a dreadful manner destroyed my respect for him in no time.  

On a similar note, I remember the teaching from the late Tamura Sensei at a seminar in Montreal about how we should conduct ourselves off the mat.  "Do not cuss at others," Sensei pleaded.  "You may think that you are just venting your anger by cussing.  You think you get your revenge by throwing mean words to those who upset you.  Do not forget that, while the bad words may be targeted at the other person, you are hearing them at the same time.  You are also a recipient of your own cuss.  If you do not want to receive such a thing, maybe it is best not to give it out, to begin with."