The Long Cut
When I was real little, one time, when my mom was about to hit me, I got up with my hands on my waist, looked up at my mom and challenged her, "You say you love me. Then why do you hit me all the time? You lie to me." My mom was not quite prepared for a two-year-old talking back at her. "You are naughty and mischievous. I need to teach you a lesson." I was a child of principle who would not back down, "Then teach me. You don't have to hit me. You don't love me. You lie."
Even to this day, my mom still brings up this story. She finds it humiliating that she could not argue with a toddler. She had to drop the stick and leave me alone.
My brother who is two years older than me dealt with the stick very differently. K is the obstinate type who never surrenders. When given the choice between a stick and apologizing, he would just hold his head up, tighten his lips and stare back at the adults.
Our father was never a big fan of such spunk from children. He did not put up with resistance. Maybe originally he did not plan on hitting K, but K's demeanor fanned the fire inside of him every time. He ended up hitting K harder than he would hit any of us. My brother K who got his manly genes from our father always protested by refusing to cry. It was a sad standoff with very predictable outcome.
Many times I watched this drama gingerly from behind the door jamb. Inside of me, I shouted to my brother, "Just say you are sorry and get out. He is going to kill you! Save your backbone for something else!" Our father would not stop hitting until he broke K. By then, poor K would be wailing and crying like a broken levee.
"How dare you cry so loud? You've been bad. Cut it out. Stop crying!!!" Somehow, our father thought it was possible to whip the stick at a child who just exploded to make him suck everything back in all of a sudden. It was crazy. It was abusive.
Our brother who is 3 years older than K is much smarter. The moment he sensed an encounter with a stick was looming, W would immediately shed tears and begged for forgiveness. He was pardoned almost every time. To begin with, our parents did not dare to be too harsh on W because he had breath-holding spells as a baby. He turned blue and went lifelessly limpy. They feared that W might die if he cried too hard. I have caught W many times tossing the stick out the window from our 12th floor apartment. I often wondered how many sticks there were lying in that alley behind our building . . .
Wouldn't it be nice if all kids are naturally well-behaved and obedient? Life would be so much easier for all parties concerned. Corporal punishment is a "shortcut" that some choose to take with children. I can tell you first hand that it does not work. It only instills fear and mistrust in them, not respect. Home should be their sanctuary, but they do not even feel safe at home. When children are stressed out, it is more likely for them to act out. Plus, you teach them violence is an acceptable way to resolve differences. This is bad education.
What kind of people do you want to raise your children to be? Be it yourself, and they will follow. Spare the stick; hug your children.
Even to this day, my mom still brings up this story. She finds it humiliating that she could not argue with a toddler. She had to drop the stick and leave me alone.
My brother who is two years older than me dealt with the stick very differently. K is the obstinate type who never surrenders. When given the choice between a stick and apologizing, he would just hold his head up, tighten his lips and stare back at the adults.
Our father was never a big fan of such spunk from children. He did not put up with resistance. Maybe originally he did not plan on hitting K, but K's demeanor fanned the fire inside of him every time. He ended up hitting K harder than he would hit any of us. My brother K who got his manly genes from our father always protested by refusing to cry. It was a sad standoff with very predictable outcome.
Many times I watched this drama gingerly from behind the door jamb. Inside of me, I shouted to my brother, "Just say you are sorry and get out. He is going to kill you! Save your backbone for something else!" Our father would not stop hitting until he broke K. By then, poor K would be wailing and crying like a broken levee.
"How dare you cry so loud? You've been bad. Cut it out. Stop crying!!!" Somehow, our father thought it was possible to whip the stick at a child who just exploded to make him suck everything back in all of a sudden. It was crazy. It was abusive.
Our brother who is 3 years older than K is much smarter. The moment he sensed an encounter with a stick was looming, W would immediately shed tears and begged for forgiveness. He was pardoned almost every time. To begin with, our parents did not dare to be too harsh on W because he had breath-holding spells as a baby. He turned blue and went lifelessly limpy. They feared that W might die if he cried too hard. I have caught W many times tossing the stick out the window from our 12th floor apartment. I often wondered how many sticks there were lying in that alley behind our building . . .
Wouldn't it be nice if all kids are naturally well-behaved and obedient? Life would be so much easier for all parties concerned. Corporal punishment is a "shortcut" that some choose to take with children. I can tell you first hand that it does not work. It only instills fear and mistrust in them, not respect. Home should be their sanctuary, but they do not even feel safe at home. When children are stressed out, it is more likely for them to act out. Plus, you teach them violence is an acceptable way to resolve differences. This is bad education.
What kind of people do you want to raise your children to be? Be it yourself, and they will follow. Spare the stick; hug your children.
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