Half The Sky
In mid September, a group of Aikido women instructors came together to formed the, what is now called, "Independent Coalition of USAF Women". The basic gist is to plea for the USAF leadership to offer stronger support for women Aikido students in their development and to have more female members participate in the management and leadership of the organization.
I am in support of the idea. Traditionally, martial arts has been a men's world. There are few senior female instructors. In most dojos, women are the minority. Having practiced Aikido for 28 years, I have to say that life as an Aikido woman has not been not easy.
To begin with, many of my male partners are double my size. When I look at them at eye level, all I see is a bunch of chest hair. I have had people laugh at me as I try to attack them because I cannot reach their head with my extended arm even on tipped toes. Compared to most men, women do not have the same muscle strength. When brute forced, we get hurt easily. Years ago, as I was in a line during practice, a male sempai (more senior student) joked with other men about the injuries I sustained from being roughed up at the dojo. Instead of extending sympathy to me or telling people to be more gentle, he laughed at me and called me the "Tofu Lady". I have endured this kind of belittlement many, many times.
The fact is, even less experienced men often treat women with disrespect. I lose count of how many times I have encountered male total beginners who walk up the steps of the dojo for the very first time, but feel so comfortable to start telling women what to do as soon as we paired up. It does not matter what belt you are wearing, hakama or no hakama. They just act like they automatically know it better than you do. The sense of entitlement and superiority is overwhelming. I am convinced that gender plays a role here because they do not dare to do the same to men. Let me not get into how many challenges I have had to face from male Aikido partners over the years.
The unfortunate thing is that, sometimes, the worst discriminators against women are women. Maybe they are acculturated with obeying male authority, they are tend to be more critical of women. It is sad that women cannot appreciate their own strengths. When they wish to show that they are tough, they use a lot of force so that they are "strong like men". This kind of behavior is demeaning to women. When given an opportunity, some women do not have the courage to step up and take it as if they do not deserve. Before women can appreciate and respect themselves and their counterparts, women as a group will never get recognition as they should.
The representatives from the Coalition is going to meet with the USAF Board about their petition. I hope something good comes out of it. Yet, to me, as a federation, USAF only can do so much. Whatever they choose to do, real change has to start from the grassroots level.
As instructors, we have to run our dojos differently. We have to raise all students equally strong -- both spiritually and technically. Have faith and expectations on students equally. It does not mean you treat everybody the same way because every single student is a different individual. However, they all should receive as much attention, encouragement and tuition from their instructors. The confidence from instructors is a major empowerment for students. When you believe in them, you are teaching them to believe in themselves. Use men and women alike for ukemi. Appreciate all students as the persons they are. Women and men express themselves differently both on and off the mat. So, don't turn women into men by demanding that they do Aikido the same way as men do. Women can be strong and powerful in their own ways. Strength and muscles are not the only ingredients of Aikido. Do not mistaken macho-ness as effectiveness and, thus, make it the sole criterion for judging how good one's Aikido is. This kind of mentality can make many men very comfortable as well. For everybody's sake, we need to get toxic masculinity out of the dojo.
Some people misunderstand that I am asking men to give women "an easier time": when they partner with women, they need to cooperate and fall down even if the techniques don't work. Or that, instructors promote a woman even though her skills do not reach a certain threshold. What I really mean is: Practice with ALL partners sincerely and fairly at a level suitable for them. Please do not resist women excessively just because they are smaller and that you know exactly how to stop their techniques. It is a shame to get into a contest of strength in order to establish one's dominance. Falling down out of "charity" because you don't believe in your partner's ability to do a technique is also degrading. It is insulting. In the long run, you hurt their Aikido. That is not what a supportive fellow Aikido student does.
A good, healthy dojo should have a zero tolerance policy for all bullying and sexual harassment. As a fellow member, watch out for each other. Speak up for others when you see something. Instructors need to be vigilant and be willing to stand up for your students. The moment you admit someone as part of your dojo, you have promised to teach them and protect them. Don't let your fear of confrontation prevent you from performing your duty as an instructor. Being assertive and setting limit does not always have to be confrontational. Use your aikido. Of course, there is irimi, but do not forget there is tenkan, too!
When instructors go teach a seminar, consider bringing women as your otomo. When was the last time your dojo invite a woman instructor to teach a seminar? If your dojo wants to host a seminar, don't look only among male instructors. There are a lot of good, senior women out there. Consider inviting them to come share their Aikido with you.
Put your action where your words are. Words alone do not bring changes. Actions do. That means, what lies in the future of Aikido, it is up to YOU and ME.
May we all thrive in Aiki. 🙏
* What Fukakusa Shihan in Thailand says about Aikido and women -- [Being Strong]
* My unpleasant encounters on the Aikido mat and how they were handled -- [#AikidoToo]
* Someone wrestled me down at Aikido seminar -- [Yes, We Were All Going Down Together]
I am in support of the idea. Traditionally, martial arts has been a men's world. There are few senior female instructors. In most dojos, women are the minority. Having practiced Aikido for 28 years, I have to say that life as an Aikido woman has not been not easy.
To begin with, many of my male partners are double my size. When I look at them at eye level, all I see is a bunch of chest hair. I have had people laugh at me as I try to attack them because I cannot reach their head with my extended arm even on tipped toes. Compared to most men, women do not have the same muscle strength. When brute forced, we get hurt easily. Years ago, as I was in a line during practice, a male sempai (more senior student) joked with other men about the injuries I sustained from being roughed up at the dojo. Instead of extending sympathy to me or telling people to be more gentle, he laughed at me and called me the "Tofu Lady". I have endured this kind of belittlement many, many times.
The fact is, even less experienced men often treat women with disrespect. I lose count of how many times I have encountered male total beginners who walk up the steps of the dojo for the very first time, but feel so comfortable to start telling women what to do as soon as we paired up. It does not matter what belt you are wearing, hakama or no hakama. They just act like they automatically know it better than you do. The sense of entitlement and superiority is overwhelming. I am convinced that gender plays a role here because they do not dare to do the same to men. Let me not get into how many challenges I have had to face from male Aikido partners over the years.
The unfortunate thing is that, sometimes, the worst discriminators against women are women. Maybe they are acculturated with obeying male authority, they are tend to be more critical of women. It is sad that women cannot appreciate their own strengths. When they wish to show that they are tough, they use a lot of force so that they are "strong like men". This kind of behavior is demeaning to women. When given an opportunity, some women do not have the courage to step up and take it as if they do not deserve. Before women can appreciate and respect themselves and their counterparts, women as a group will never get recognition as they should.
The representatives from the Coalition is going to meet with the USAF Board about their petition. I hope something good comes out of it. Yet, to me, as a federation, USAF only can do so much. Whatever they choose to do, real change has to start from the grassroots level.
Some people misunderstand that I am asking men to give women "an easier time": when they partner with women, they need to cooperate and fall down even if the techniques don't work. Or that, instructors promote a woman even though her skills do not reach a certain threshold. What I really mean is: Practice with ALL partners sincerely and fairly at a level suitable for them. Please do not resist women excessively just because they are smaller and that you know exactly how to stop their techniques. It is a shame to get into a contest of strength in order to establish one's dominance. Falling down out of "charity" because you don't believe in your partner's ability to do a technique is also degrading. It is insulting. In the long run, you hurt their Aikido. That is not what a supportive fellow Aikido student does.
A good, healthy dojo should have a zero tolerance policy for all bullying and sexual harassment. As a fellow member, watch out for each other. Speak up for others when you see something. Instructors need to be vigilant and be willing to stand up for your students. The moment you admit someone as part of your dojo, you have promised to teach them and protect them. Don't let your fear of confrontation prevent you from performing your duty as an instructor. Being assertive and setting limit does not always have to be confrontational. Use your aikido. Of course, there is irimi, but do not forget there is tenkan, too!
When instructors go teach a seminar, consider bringing women as your otomo. When was the last time your dojo invite a woman instructor to teach a seminar? If your dojo wants to host a seminar, don't look only among male instructors. There are a lot of good, senior women out there. Consider inviting them to come share their Aikido with you.
Put your action where your words are. Words alone do not bring changes. Actions do. That means, what lies in the future of Aikido, it is up to YOU and ME.
May we all thrive in Aiki. 🙏
* What Fukakusa Shihan in Thailand says about Aikido and women -- [Being Strong]
* My unpleasant encounters on the Aikido mat and how they were handled -- [#AikidoToo]
* Someone wrestled me down at Aikido seminar -- [Yes, We Were All Going Down Together]
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