Rome In The Netherlands

 "I don't think he is very different from us," says Lena, the older sister of Ethan.

On the drive to Lena's birthday dinner, I ask her to help me understand Ethan better.  I have known him all his life, but I have no idea what he understands and what he does not.  I wonder if he feels the same things, the same way we feel.

I really want to know because I love these kids.  And I need to know because I promised to be their guardian should anything happen to their parents.  How can I possibly care for this boy when I don't even know him?

Ethan has been different since he was a baby.  Just like my nephew who is also autistic, as a baby, Ethan would often cry fiercely and incessantly for a long time.  It sounds as if he wanted something, but nobody could understand him.  His frustrations and anger explodes into these inconsolable crying spells.

Early on, Ethan already demonstrated that he is very observant and intelligent.  As a toddler, his favorite thing is automated sliding doors in front of stores.  He would inch in careful to test the edge of the range of motion detectors.  Once he figures that out, he would position himself precisely so that he can push the invisible button of the doors by sticking his foot out and then run away triumphantly.  The satisfaction is enough to send him jumping and flapping his arms.  Ethan is known to have caused many automated doors to breakdown as a result of his vigorous test of their responsiveness.

When his family comes to visit, little Ethan's playground is my kitchen.  He would pull all the cabinet drawers out and set them at the edge of the auto-return mechanism.  Even the dishwasher door is skillfully set to hang at the point just before it starts closing.  Like a conductor to an orchestra, Ethan would stand in the middle of the room.  Once all members of the kitchen drawer orchestra is set to go, Maestro Ethan would make one cannonball style hop.  Boom!  All the drawers would close simultaneously.  The synchronized performance by the drawers and dishwasher door wins the delightful jumping and arm-flapping of Ethan every time, and Ethan never gets tired of it.

With the dedicated help from his parents, plus a lot of training and therapy, Ethan recently graduated from high school.  He is a very good tennis player with incredible intuition on trajectories.  After hitting the ball, he just casually walks to the next spot where the returning tennis ball will magically land and hits it back.  He is also fascinated by cars.  He has a superb memory for cars of different makes, models and all the way down to their detailed features.  He is quite amazing.  

Ethan's mom once talked to me about how she learns to find peace in having an autistic son [Welcome to Holland].  I have no children, let alone an autistic child.  I can only imagine what it might be like for her.  Having known friends and family members who are autistic for years, still, to me, their minds are like an enigma.  

"What are they thinking?  What do they want?  When they do seemingly odd things, what does it mean?" I really want to help them live a happy and fulfilling life, but I am at a loss on what to do.  

And then, the other day, I stumbled upon this documentary.  It is about a young Japanese author who is autistic.  It is so enlightening and inspiring.  It gives me much to think about.  Out of love, some of us might have been making life more difficult than it has to be for autistic people.  

Whether you have loved ones who are autistic or not, I hope you would consider watching this interesting documentary.  Be educated, be compassionate.  As Ethan's sister said, he is not very different from us.

Watch [What You Taught Me About My Son]