Kung Hei Fat Choy!

"Kung Hei Fat Choy" is a popular greeting during Chinese New Year.  The phrase can be loosely translated as "I wish you a big fortune".  When presented with such a wish on abundant wealth, most people generously reward honey-tongued children with a fat lai see (red packets with money inside).

As another new year is approaching, I talked to my mother about her new year plans.  COVID 19 has diminished the likelihood for gatherings with friends, but she did not seem to mind.  She explained by recounting an unpleasant incident from the year before

Mom:  I and some friends were exchanging good wishes for each other.  I wished everybody happiness and good health, and then this person came along and interrupted me by saying, "What kind of new year wish is that?  You can say that pretty much anytime of the year.  For Chinese New Year, of course, you say Kung Hei Fat Choy!"  I was quite annoyed.  What is wrong with what I said?  Without health, it does not matter how much money you have.  But that person kept seizing on her point and kept pestering me . . . 

Me:  I agree.  Health is something so precious that even money cannot buy.  However, everybody has their priorities.  Maybe that person really needs some extra money?  Plus, she is not wrong by pointing out that Kung Hei Fat Choy is a Chinese New Year specific greeting.  If she really wants you to wish her a fortune so badly, why don't you just let her have it?

Mom:  Hey!  She runs a business.  She is not poor!

Me: So, only poor people may wish for more money?  You gotta remember being a business owner does not mean she is free from money worries: the sales, and expenses like rent, salaries for employees, . . .   I bet there are a lot of things on her mind.  

Mom:  Keep wanting more money is just being greedy.  I don't think I am wrong to say that health is more important.

Me:  I, personally, agree with you, Mom.  Remember, though, you are supported by five children.  You don't have to worry about your livelihood,  Your position is very different from other people.  Think back to those days when you and our father were dirt poor.  You waited in the street for hours for him to come home to, perhaps, give you a couple dollars to buy groceries for dinner.  We were at risk of being homeless many times.  If a fairy were to offer you to trade your health for financial stability, would you have done it?

Mom:  Back then?  Of course, I would.  We needed to eat and my kids needed to go to school.  We were desperate for money.

Me:  Didn't you say, just now, that health is of utmost priority?  Can you see that even your priorities change as your circumstances become different?

Mom:  . . . 

Me:  You are normally a very kind and charitable person.  You donate to all kinds of causes, and always rush to buy food for homeless people on the street.  But then, you could not afford four simple words for a friend.  Why?  What does it cost you?  I think you are right that health is important.  You always say that, as a Buddhist, you want to bring happiness to people.  I think it is great.  So, why did you refuse to budge in face of such an insignificant request?  Were you being insistent and stubborn?  Is that in line with the Buddhist teachings you are trying to follow?  On that, I think that you are wrong.

Mom: I, I . . .   I never thought about that.  (After a long pause, she cracked up laughing.)   Now I come to think about it, I am not sure why I did that.  The whole time, all I was thinking was that I was right.  Indeed, those four words were right on my lips.  Why wouldn't I just say them?  Sigh!  I guess I have only learnt to talk the talk, but still cannot walk the walk . . .

Me:  Don't be hard on yourself, Mom.  Having awareness and the willingness to reflect is the beginning.  Since you just shared a story with me, let me share a story with you.  I came across this Buddhist story in an exhibition.  It was depicted in a wall painting inside one of the Dunhuang Caves.  A prince was on an outing with his guards and servants in a forest.  They heard some animals beyond the edge of a cliff, so they went to check it out.  A tiger and its cubs were crying in a cave out of hunger.  Before I go on with the story, let me ask you this: If you were the prince, what would you do?

Mom:  That's easy: I would send my servants to bring food to feed the tigers.

Me:  That makes sense.  It would only take care of one meal, though . . . 

Mom:  Were they stuck?  Maybe get them up from the cliff?  Or bring them to the palace?  

Me:  Do you know what the prince in the story did?  He jumped off the cliff, went into the cave to feed the tigers with his own flesh.

Mom:  What?  That's foolish!  How many meals can his body be good for?  The tigers will be hungry again in no time, but, by then, the prince is long gone.

Me:  I agree totally.  Maybe, whoever painted that story in the cave wanted to applaud the prince for his selflessness?  Anyhow, I don't think the compassionate prince put what he had to the best use.  Imagine someone like him becoming the king: He could run the country in such a way that the poor, the sick and even the animals were cared for.  He could protect his people and stop wars.  Set up a system that is fair and just.  It can mean happiness for many for generations.  Yet, he reduced himself to a meal for a tiger family.  What a shame!

Mom:  The prince was not a very smart person.  He may be kind, but definitely was not very wise..

Me:  Again, I agree with you, Mom.  While it is good to be a kind person, it is important to express your heart with the right deeds.  You are a sentient being who is worthy, and you have needs, too.  Your family and friends also love you dearly and want you to be well.  It is great to be compassionate.  However, you need to take good care of yourself before you can take care of others.   

Mom:  Got it.  Don't worry.  I am not a prince and I don't go into forests.  Kung Hei Fat Choy!  I wish you good health and happiness.

Credit: Pinki Lin