Goldilocks

The summer is over.  Aikido season has started again.  

Inquiries about Aikido start coming in, and visitors begin to show up at practice.  Recently, we have an interesting encounter with an out-of-town visitor. 

The class started with reviews of basic body movements and exercises.  Unlike the beginners on the mat, our visitor seemed to have some previous experience: he could tumble and he knew knee walking.  

As the class went on, the visitor seemed more and more restless.  He was forceful and muscly.  Instead of doing what was shown in class, it was quite clear that he was doing what he was used to in his own way.  The faces of his partners suggested that they were not having too much of a good time.

After his second visit, there was a surprising revelation.  "If you require that I wear a white belt on the mat, I will not come back," declared the visitor.  He said he actually had a shodan in Aikido and was a senior instructor in another martial art.  So, sure, put on your gi and wear a black belt.  

At the end, white belt or black belt does not seem to matter, though.  "I don't think I am ready to be a regular student again." said our visitor.  He came back to drop off the white belt we lent him before and left.

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I was helping a student in a line.  His movement sequence and rhythm was off, making him stuck all the time.  "Instead of going with an even beat 1 - 2 - 3 - 4, try And 1 - 2 - 3," I suggested.

He promptly gave it a try and picked up speed slightly.  It worked like a charm.  He dropped all his partners swiftly and easily.  Yet, he was not happy.  So, what is the problem now?

"I feel that I should be able to do it from static . . . " the student said with a pout.   

It reminds me of what Robert Nadeau Sensei once said: "Everybody's Aikido is perfect -- perfect for your level."

What makes you think you "should be able to" do something?  You do, or you don't.  The goal of practice is to be able to do more, but it is a process.  Sometimes people can become too fixated and end up being consumed by an idea.  By trying too hard to make something happen, they never allow things to just happen by themselves.  They strangle this whatever they wanted and, literally, kill it.  

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I was practicing with a student.  He repeatedly did a strange move that sabotages what he was trying to do.  "I can't stop it," the student uttered in a somewhat hysterical voice.  The more he second-guessed himself, the worse things became.

"If you feel the need to stop something, it already has started.  By the time it is already there, it is too late.  Rather than stopping it, try not to let it start.  Can you do just that?"  I held the student's hand to convey my faith in him.  

"No, I can't.  I don't know how."  I could see he was really struggling because his shape kept collapsing and he continued to shrink as we spoke.  He created a downward spiral from which he could not retrieve himself.

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Some people try hard to prove themselves to the world.  They spend a lot of work on the outside when they should invest more energy on the inside.

Some people try hard to prove themselves to themselves.  Their expectations, particularly the fallacious ones, can be a major obstacle to their feat.  

Be focused without being fixated.  Constantly question yourself without being insecure.  Be confident without feeling entitled.  It really is not easy to be a good, strong and content person.