The Worst Fear

 It is a nice Saturday.  We have a good crowd for Aikido practice.

As usual, I call out individual students to be the attacker for demos.  Interestingly, people are all hanging back as they approach.  I get, at best, fingers lingering on my wrist as "attacks".  Where is the rest of their bodies?  If they could, it feels like, their bodies would rather be fleeing the room through the door, the windows and any crevices nearby like thin vapor.  

Fear.

It does not take much to recognize that this is a manifestation of tremendous fear.  

Why are they so afraid?  What are they so afraid of?  Did I do anything rough?  I have not even moved fast or hard at all.  

"I hope you agree that I am possibly the safest person you have to practice with in this whole room right now.  I can't show anything without you.  Please come hold my wrists with all of you."  I plea.

I switch ukes again and again, but get the same result.  Rather than pounding all our heads against the wall to hope for a different outcome, I let students break out into pairs to practice anyways.

Once they get into their little groups, suddenly, people change.  The ukes become forceful, stiff and resistant; the nages respond in kind by shoving and pushing back hard.  

"Are these the same people I was dealing with a moment ago?"  I am astonished.  

From "Apprehensive" to "Aggressive".  It takes just the blink of an eye.

I stop practice and ask the group, "Excuse me, what did I just show you?"  Many 😅😅😅, but absolute silence.

"Did I shove my partner?  Where does all this aggression come from?"  More 😅😅😅😅, but the same silence.

"Honestly, tell me:  When I am showing the movement, do you perceive any aggression from my part?  Because if I did it, I really want to know. . .  "  

Finally, one brave soul says in a low voice, "No."

"Then why?  Where does that come from?  You only have to move yourself.  Your goal is not to push your partner over . . . "

We resume class, but things have not improved much.

One of the anguish of being an Aikido instructor is to have to witness people being stuck in such loop of fear/ aggression over and over.

It is almost like the "Chicken and Egg" conundrum: 

Since they know they, themselves, could use brute force towards their partners, people expect and fear the violence from their partners before it even happens.  The idea of entering a situation by being simply nice and open makes many people feel vulnerable.  Nobody is willing to take their chances and drop the guard.  What end up happening is that they preemptively launch violent acts towards their partners in hopes to get a head start.  

The moment their partners respond in kind, to them, it only confirms that their thinking is correct.  It serves as a reinforcement of such behavior perpetually.  

The Founder of Aikido came up with this ingenious idea which allows us to practice a powerful martial art in a harmonious ways.  The key is to do your part wholeheartedly with faith -- both in yourself and in your partner -- so that you emerge unharmed.  During these intense physical interactions, partners act as each others' mirrors so we get to examine ourselves in order to become better people.

When people act aggressively out of fear, it may seem like they are intimidated by their partners.  Yet, since what they are seeing is their own reflection, they, themselves, ultimately, are their own worst fear.

Their desire to be ahead of the game fuels the violence they dread.  Their reluctance to give their sense of insecurity a rest keeps them in a perpetual state of fear and constant danger.  Their refusal to listen and to try a different way means they may never see the light . . . 

It is a new year.  It is a time for new convictions and to renew our commitments in life.

Dear Aikido Warriors, 

If you denounce violence, if you truly want world peace for mankind, please look in the mirror.  We don't need more wars.  The change starts from you.  You are the answer.  

Happy New Year.

meipo