Nag

It was a pleasure to have James, our former student to come to DC to visit us again.  

As Takeguchi Sensei says, dojo is like home: You may leave, but you always come back.  We always enjoy it when students come to visit so we can spend time with each other and practice together like in the old days.

Since James occasionally teaches at his current dojo, I used observations from class as case study material so we can analyze what happened and discuss how we, as instructors, can help people improve.  

In the class the night before, people were not clear with their basics.  Their stances were not aligned.  Postures were off.  In addition, they were not aligned properly with their partners.  They used a lot of muscles, but the results were not good.  It was very apparent that many got really frustrated.  

Clearly, we need to work on basics some more.  After all, the quality of one's Aikido is all defined by how well they master the basics. 

"By the way, do you know why people nag?" I asked James.

"Err, they really want someone to do something?" he put forward a reasonable guess.

"A counselor friend once told me that naggers nag because they feel that they are not being heard.  So, they have to say it again, and again."

"You know what the natural response from the 'nagee' is?" I asked.  

"The nagee ignores them!  Nagging never works." James chuckled.

"Exactly!" One big point to James. 

"What does this have to do with Aikido, though?" James asked.  

"Apply the same principles to Aikido: When you push and pull your partner over and over because they do not give you the response you want, you are, essentially, nagging.  The more you nag, the more your partner resist.  The more your partner resist, the more you nag.  It's a downward spiral.  As you said, it never works."

James nodded his head. "Okay.  That makes sense.  So far, you have been telling me what not to do, but you have not told me what to do yet . . ."

"I thought I have been telling you that all along!"  To tease him, I made a dramatic astonished face and threw my hands into the air like an emoji. 

"Haven't we been talking about kihon (basics) training?  Clarify your shape.  Have a clear hanmi.  Clarify your movement.  Move in a clear direction crisply.  Your movement is your message.  Direct it clearly towards your partner's center.  Speak to them heart to heart.  If you can do that, even to a beginner, there is no ambiguity as to where they should move.  They follow your lead easily."

My explanation must have been a little surprisingly simple to James.  He looked like he was lost in contemplation.  

"So, James, do you know how to make the nagging stop?"

"Can you ever make it stop???" James started laughing, "No, I don't know." 

I shrugged my shoulders.  "It is actually very simple: Acknowledge them.  Let people know that you hear them."