Zero

Younger man A was practicing with older man B who is big, strong, doesn't like to move, and is very muscly.  A had a hard time moving B because of his smaller built, plus the fact that he was not very centered or aligned.  In order to make something happen, he did everything he could, including twisting himself into knots.  Unfortunately, it still did not work.  

I asked A after practice, "How was practice with B?  I hope you find it educational." 

A, looking rather frustrated, seemed perplexed by my words.  He explained to me what he was trying to do with B, but B did not respond in ways that he expected.  

"He makes me wonder what the nage is supposed to do and what the uke is supposed to do." A said.

Being stuck with a bigger, stronger partner and cannot do a thing?  Oh, I remember how it feels.  I have been there before.  Many, many times.

"You want something from B.  But you know what?  You will never get it." I said plainly.  

A just stood there with a frown.  He looked lost.  

"Do you remember the analogy of the number of 10?" I threw him a hint.

"Yeah," A quickly responded.  "You mean what the uke and nage give add up to 10, right?"

"Exactly!  So, if your partner gives 5, you put in 5; if he gives 2, you give 8. . . ." Nodding my head, I elaborated.  I am glad he remember this important concept.

"But what if he gives nothing?  If it is a 0, do I give 10?" A seemed puzzled.

"Hmmhm!  That's it." I nodded again.  

"I have to give a 10?  I have to do everything?" A was dumbstruck.

"Well, if you want to practice with everybody, and this is the situation with your partner, you do what you gotta do." I reaffirmed.

"But, but . . ." A did not seem quite ready to accept what I told him.

Read [This]

"You know what your behavior is like?  It is akin to going up to someone and saying to him, 'Why are you like this?  Why can't you be different?  Why can't you do what I want you to do?’  Look at your partner: Does it look like he is ready to do any of the things that you want him to do?  Does he seem like he wants to move?  He is who he is.  You cannot change him.  That's why I said whatever you want from him, you will not get it.  Plus, why do you think he is the only person who needs to change?  Only he needs to change, but you don't?"

A looked deflated.  

"Aikido is about learning what you have control over and what you do not.  You need to assess the situation and adjust accordingly.  Welcome to Aikido!"  I patted his shoulder.

Some time ago, when A was even younger, during chitchat over dojo dinner, he said to someone, "You still have expectations in people?  I have given that up long ago!"  

Well, apparently, the young man's expectations are still alive and well.  They have not left him after all . . .