Ego

I was chatting with a younger Aikido instructor about teaching.

He expressed his worries about having some big and strong students in class. 

I can totally understand the apprehension.  I was once intimidated by traning partners bigger than me, too.  Compared to Hong Kong where I came from, there are many, many more big people in the US.  Recently, I heard that a sempai stopped teaching for the same reason.  So, he is not alone.

Me:  Tell me: What exactly are you worried about?

Y:  I worry that I cannot move the big guys.  When that happens, sometimes I cannot control myself and end up using more force than I should.

Me:  Could it have to do with your sense of insecurity within?  Remember that the goal of your practice is not about throwing your uke, but to be able to do the set of movements you intended to do.

Y:  I know, I know, but I cannot help it.

Me:  Why is moving the big guy so important?

Y:  Hmm, maybe I am concerned about looking bad, as if I failed?  After all, I am the sempai and I am leading class.

Me:  So, is it more about your ego?

Y:  Hmm.  Yeah, I guess so.

Me:  O Sensei came up with Aikido and design the format of practice like so, with the goal of achieving world peace.  It is based on the hope that, through the process, people can be rid of their ego.  Yet, as Aikido students, if training for longer, becoming more senior only fans our ego, that just means that we are moving further and further away from the way of Aiki . . .  In this case, regardless of how advance you are, your technical abilities and knowledge does not do anything to advance humanity.

I told him the story about Clyde Takeguchi Sensei when he first began to teach seminars.

Read: [The Way to Freedom] 

Even an 8th dan Shihan once had the same doubt about himself.  Why should we feel any different?  The most important thing is that we need to be mindful of what we are doing and our motivations.  Excessive self doubt and insatiable ego can grow into a demon in your heart.  It lurks and undermines even your best techniques.

Aikido is all about you, not about making your partner fall.  Calm your mind.  Keep breathing.  Focus on your basic body movements.  It is just as simple as that.

Believe in yourself.  You can do it.  Gambatte!!! 💪