Good Things

My young Aikido friend, Miki, is into spiritual healing.  I read her post about the lesson she learnt from a recent dream. 

In her dream, somehow, Miki was in a competition with a friend.  Miki refused to compete the normal way because she believes in win-win.  So, she grabbed her friend to run cross the finishing line together.  Her other friends were not satisfied and made her compete again with another person.  At their encouragement, not only did Miki take the challenge, but, she also won and embraced her victory.  

The timing of her post is perfect to me because, just the weekend before, I encountered an incident of a similar theme.  

A student had been away from the mat for health reasons.  Thinking that he might be coming to practice, I cooked up a small dish to bring to the dojo for him as a treat.  To my disappointment, he did not show up.  Instead of taking the gift home, I thought I would offer it to another student who I think would enjoy it.

This student's immediate response was:  “Have you offered it to the others?  Does nobody else want it?”

It is both amusing and perplexing to me: Why do so many people respond this way when I offer them things?  “You don’t want it anymore?”  “If you want to get rid of it, I’ll take it.”  It makes me wonder: Do they think I am giving them things simply because I am trying to be rid of things I do not want?  Hey, I do not give people trash!  So, could it be a reflection of their own mindset and behavior?  But I do not believe this is who my student is.  What can it be, then?

I responded with a chuckle, “Do you like it?  You don’t have to wait till nobody else wants it before you take it.  You are just as deserving as others, but I am offering it to YOU.”

Another student was nearby.  She heard our exchange and chimed in, “We may like it, too, but it does not mean you should not say yes.  It is for you.  C'mon, say yes.  Take it!”

The student paused for one second, smiled and said,  “Yes, I will take it home.  Thank you.”

We, people, all want good things to happen.  When they don't, people lament, “Why don't good things happen to me?”  But when good things do come their way, some people seem hesitant to accept it.  It makes them feel uncomfortable.  What are they thinking?  Are they wondering whether they deserve it?  Their response, I think, is what prevents many good things from happening.

To Miki, the dream is trying to teach her: “You are allowed to win. AND, it doesn’t dim someone else’s light, because you won.” 

In Aikido, we take it slightly further: Asserting yourself does not mean you are selfish or greedy, as long as this is what you deserve and what is rightfully yours.  Self-effacing does not make you a selfless or kind person.  It is just an unhealthy habit.

Remember:  Good things do happen.  Next time someone tries to do something for you, please do not sabotage it.  People just want to express how much they appreciate you.  Please let them.  Embrace it.  Enjoy it.  You deserve it.  

Read [Yes. Please. Thank you.]